H.O.P.E

I lay motionless on my bed, curtains closed, the only light that was on was my lamp on the desk, and the dim light from the hallway. Still in my black jeans, boots and hoodie, I lay on my bed, my black silk fringe covering most of my left eye. Tears streamed down the side of my face. I had the world in my hands, everything good going for me, but since last year I've been lost, everything happening so fast, Mum saying 'you're getting better' and Kyla's (K) soothing voice saying, 'It won't happen again' as the tears flowed and I heard my quiet sobs crossing my fingers just hoping that I won't go back to last year's habits. That night in my room I soon found myself

Laying in the cold hospital, Mum on my right and K to my left...
'Why did I have to take it this far' I thought regret filled me, seeing the fear in both mum and Ks' eyes,
'What have I done, why did I do it' thoughts scattering through my head, fidgeting with my hands, glance every now and again down the hallway, while the police were filling in the nurses of what had happen ,looking up at mum placing a hand on hers looking into her eyes...
Waking up with tears running down my face, breathless, heart racing, my room was pitch black, lamp turned off and the hallway light as well. I must have screamed as mum entered my room with fear in her eyes as she crossed the room and sat at the edge of my bed pulling me into a tight hug as she pulled away smiling down at me,
"You're alright Clary" the fear in her eyes disappeared, replaced with confidence and calmness, wrapping her arms around me more as I quietly sobbed into her shoulders
"I-I don't wanna go back" I whispered hesitantly she rubbed my back and laid me down with a soft soothing voice she whispered,
"You won't darling, go back to sleep you're safe" as she got up and closed my bedroom door.

The next day after school I walked down near the river, sitting on the docks and staring at my reflectionand watching the water flow under my feet;
'What do they see in me?' I wondered.
A slim figure casted a shadow over me, Turing'round to find it was K, her eyes filled with worry and her bronze hair floweddown her shoulders,
"Hey" nervously smiling at her, watching her sit by me as she sighed and puther hand on mine,
"C.C?" – she said with concern – "That day in the bathroom" – I looked awayfrom her and stared at the water -"Please tell me what happened, we can get through this together" her eyes filled with tears, her arms soon around me ina hug
"P-please" the
"You can tell me when you're ready" The concern in her voice replaced bythat sweet sisterly voice.
I smiled and told her what was botheringme having the feeling of not wanting to but I knew that if I didn't tellsomeone I was going to burst like a balloon,
"You know how it's my birthday in one day?" I tried not to stutter whiletalking to her, she nodded and kept looking at me tentatively listening.
"Well..." - I continued and stared at the reflection in the water - "I'm afraid...I-I...I'm frightened that as I keep getting older...wh-what if I go back to my oldhabits from last year?" I stiffened at the thought of what happened last yearand how much pain I put my mum through as well as K, no more hiding I thought to myself, keeping my eye contact at thewater reflection.
K took my hand and held it in hers, putting her arm around me and hugged me,tears swelled in my eyes and I tried to fight them from falling but as shehugged me tighter I couldn't stop them from falling. I hugged her back,wrapping my scarred arms around her loosely, sobbing quietly and the feeling ofme being empty disappeared...and became more happier as we hugged for a fewmore minutes until she let me go and sighed looking at me,
"C.C I'll always be there when you fall no matter how big or small the problemis" - she looked at me and smiled - "You're going to be okay and you'll havesupport" I looked at her and smiled, feeling better that someone knew how I wasfeeling told someone, she'd always beenthere for me when I had my bad days she knew what happened last year and eversince then, she's stuck by my side.
"We'll get through this I promise, We've got this" K said with confidence as wesat together, her head fitting nicely and comfortably on my shoulder, wewatched the sun go down