My lover(sequel to My Host; namjin)

Seokjin

        "You're the only one that doesn't have a job here anyway..."
       Jimin's words keep replaying in my mind as I stalk down the street, anger and shame and regret consuming me. He's right. I still have a little cash saved from my Hosting job but that was two years ago. The amount is almost gone then I will officially have to rely on Namjoon for everything.
      I don't want to be a housewife. I want to be an equal partner that can take care of themselves. Jimin and Kookie both take care of themselves so why don't I? After all-I'm basically the mother figure of the group. I've taken the boys in but I'm not setting a very good example.
     Honestly I'm not even mad at Jimin anymore. I'm pissed at myself. I'm a grown up and need to act like one. Namjoon has always taken care of me in one form or another since we were kids and the cycle needs to stop. I don't want to marry him because I need help. I don't want to need him. I'm marrying him because I love him.
      I sit down at the boardwalk and study all the different shops and such around the area. I don't want a stupid minimum wage job. I need a career. Something I can grow on and expand. Just as I pull out my phone to review my options, my mother calls.
     "Honey, how are you! I've just run into Chaelin and she told me how wonderful your date went. Why don't you come meet us at our favorite diner? You're eomma misses her son." She guilts so-sighing-I climb to my feet and agree to meet them ten minutes later.
     I walk in to my favorite childhood diner and see my eomma sitting and conversing with Chaelin. I slip in beside her and she smiles, taking my hand. I bite my lip and force a smile to my eomma. Her hand feels wrong in mine. It's too soft and small. I want Joonie's hand touching me only.
     "Seokjin, I was just telling your eomma how much fun we had the other day." She teases and I have to stop from rolling my eyes.
     Eomma coos at us and I can practically see the grand babies in her eyes. Not happening. We talk for a while and eat. Eomma invites us to a large party she's throwing next weekend and Chaelin quickly agrees for both of us. I shoot her a discreet look and she shrugs innocently.
    We play along and I even let Chaelin kiss me quickly to satisfy my mother. As soon as she's gone, though, I glare at her.
     "What was that?" I screech, wiping my mouth. I'm not afraid of girl germs or anything but my lips belong to Namjoon only. She smirks and pinches my cheek.
     "Cheer up buttercup. It was just a peck, sweetie. Your mom practically cried. I'm such a great actress." She gushes while I scoff.
     "Ok, ok, I'm sorry. I have an appointment to get to but let me know if you need anything." She gives me a light hug and just as she's about to leave I think of something.
     "Wait! Chaelin...do you think you can get me a job!" I ask, hopeful. Her eyes widen in surprise.
     "Sure. What kind of job?"
     "Anything really. I just need something." I sigh.
     "Let me talk to my agent." She pulls out her phone and snaps my picture. I frown as she smiles. "For my agent. You'd make an excellent model, my dear." She winks and drives off without another word.
     It's dark as I walk home. I hadn't realized how late it was. I surprised Namjoon hasn't called me. Usually he's called me two or three times by now. I shake it off and walk inside our house. It's a little after ten at night and the house seems empty.
     I lock up behind me and call out but no one answers me. Joonie's car is in the driveway so I know he's home. I peak inside our bedroom but it's empty. Growing, I walk to the basement stairs and turn the handle. Locked. I jiggle it but it stays closed. I think about knocking but don't want to disturb him if he's working.   
     I walk back to our bedroom and strip out my clothes. I need a shower from walking out in the hot sun all day. Grabbing a towel, I step inside and close the door and step inside the shower stall. The hot water feels exquisite as it runs over my head and unknots my sore muscles. I hear movement in the room next to me and figure Joonie's done with his work.
     I grab for the body wash but jump in surprise when the bathroom door is slammed open. I try to catch my breath from the shock as the stall door is thrown open and a very angry Namjoon looks at me with disgust.
     I don't understand what's happening as he steps inside-not even caring about his clothes getting soaked in the process. He crowds me into the corner and I have to close my eyes as water hounds my vision.
     "Joon-ah what are you-"
     "How long?" He demands furiously, cutting me off. I swallow hard in confusion and just stare at him blearily. He growls and grabs a handful of my hair. "How fucking long has it been going on? Huh?" He continues.
     I frown and try to break his ever tightening grip on my hair but his hold is unrelenting.
     "What are you talking about?" I gasp as he forces his tongue in my mouth, painfully biting my lip. I can't breath as he takes what he wants from me. He releases my mouth only to attack my neck and leave deep purplish bruises on my skin as I try to push him away. He grabs my wrists and pins them behind my back as he continues abusing my neck and mouth.
     "Joon-ah! What's wrong? I don't under-"
     "You think I'm stupid? Did you get a nice kick out of it?" He demands while I whine from the pain of his grip on my wrists. I've never seen him this angry before and I don't even know what I did?!
     "N-no, of course not..what did I do?" I plead as he steps back. I wrap my arms around myself protectively as he glares down at me with so much hurt and hate it practically brings me to my knees.
    "Liar!" He pushes me and I slam back against the wall. I slide down the wet surface but he follows and pulls me back up. I struggle to free myself as he drags me out of the shower and throws me down on our bed. I'm cold and shiver but don't know if it's from the air or his cold expression.
     "Why'd you need to shower, Jinnie? Trying to wash off the smell of sex so I wouldn't find out? How many times have you done this to me?" His voice scares the hell out of me by how soft it is. Completely contradicts his hard glare.
     "I didn't do anything! Sex? What are you talking about?!" I yell but he only smirks down at me.
     "Did you think you could keep the secrets forever? I saw you, baby. With your eomma...with Chaelin." He growls out. My eyes widen in understanding and I shake my head.
     "No, it's not what you think! Please listen-"
      "It is exactly what I fucking think! Was you fucking her when I was with her in high school, too?" He screams making me flinch. I can't believe he thinks I'd do that to him...
    "No! I don't have anything with her-please listen to me..." I trail off as he strips out of his clothes and flips me over. I grunt in pain as he smacks my wet skin and gropes me hard. I try to push myself up but he holds me down.
     "I thought you were mine, Seokjin...I thought you loved me like I love you but I was so stupid. I never thought you'd be this type of person but guess the jokes on me..." his voice is pained as he grinds down on my ass.
     "Please, Namjoon...let me explain..." I choke out, tears falling freely.
     "I loved you.." his voice cracks and it breaks my heart. "I wanted to give you the world baby.."
     I sob as he leans back and I think he's about to leave me but he returns seconds later and thrusts his finger inside me. I jerk from the sting and squeeze my eyes closed.
     "I thought you belonged to me, Jinnie, but I just let you play me..." he shudders over me as he adds a second finger making me gasp. I can't move as he shoves his digits into my prostate. Biting my lip hard enough to bleed, I hold in my cries and moans.
     "Namjoon, I do love you...you don't understand.." I try again but he only reaches around and covers my mouth with his hand. Without any more prep or delay he thrusts his hard length inside me without lubrication or saliva and I scream out from the pain but it's muffled by his hand as he begins to pound into me hard and fast.
    I choke on my sobs as he growls over me possessively and takes my body as he pleases. My body is forced forward from his powerful thrusts and I harden against the sheets. My fingers digging into the blankets as I try not to cum but he changes the angle so he's purposefully hitting my prostate on every go.
    "Does she make you cum harder than me, baby? Does she ride you and make you scream like I can?" He grunts and forces  himself harder and deeper inside me. I can do nothing but moan and breathe raggedly as he keeps up his torturous assault.
     "Tell me! Do you think of her when I fuck you? Huh? Do you wish I was her baby? Well too fucking bad, You're mine! You belong to me!" He growls in my ear as he fucks me so hard the bed frame is slamming into the wall.
     I shake my head desperately but he ignores me. "Are you a slut, baby? Am I not enough for you? Was I ever?" He asks me brokenly as he freezes, cumming deep inside me. He reaches under me and strokes me fast, forcing my orgasm out of me. I cry out as cum shoots all over his hand and the bed.
     This isn't how I wanted things to be..he gets off me and flips me back onto my back so I'm forced to look into his tearful eyes. I don't know what I can say to make this better. Maybe nothing can...maybe I ruined everything...
     I open my mouth to speak but he stops me with a glare and runs his fingers over my sore hole. He lifts his now cum soaked finger up and brings it to my mouth. He forces it inside and I taste his salty fluid and mine as well.
     "You're mine, Kim Seokjin...be a good boy and lie to me again." He leans down and kisses my lips. "Give me the illusions one last time for tonight. Make me believe you still belong to me forever, baby.." his voice break and I taste his tears as he cries silently.
     I break down and sob as he pulls me into his arms. He's leaving me...he's really leaving me and he didn't even let me explain...I can't live without him..he lets me cry in his arms and stays gentle with me the rest of the night by cuddling me and whispering his love for me in my ears. Every time I try to bring up the situation and explain myself he ignores it and refuses to listen.
    
     I cry myself to sleep and when I wake up...he's gone.
     He's gone.
     I see a note on his pillow and pick it up, terrified to read it. I swallow hard and force myself to open it.
     

          My dearest Jin,
   I'm so sorry I hurt you last night. No matter what, you didn't deserve my force and I apologize for my actions and anger. I'm glad I found out the truth before I bound you to me forever in a marriage you clearly don't want. Although my heart is in agony, I want you to be happy so I'm giving you my blessing to be with Chaelin.
    I love you forever and you'll always hold my heart but I need space. You can keep the house and stay with the boys. Yoongi and I have decided to take a trip to America. Yoongi will return in a month but I will stay behind and open my new studio. I don't know how long I'll be gone but this is for the best.
    I hope my decisions to give you freedom can make up for everything I've done to hurt you. Maybe I'll see you again one day when I'm ready. Until then, live well my best friend. If you need cash let Yoongi know and I'll wire you some.
       I love you,
              Kim Namjoon.