Love is powerful, but those power’s are not always good. We all want love but none of the hurt. We push people we supposedly love away just because we’re afraid. Afraid of getting hurt. Until we go through life and find that one guy we fall deeply in love with. But then we are still mean, we still have that instinct to not totally let them in. We want to but its hard, we still push away we don’t mean to we just do. Most of that is caused because we were hurt by someone before and the pain of a broken heart is unbearable.
I came from a good home, my parents were still together and lived in a good neighborhood. Then I met Casey. I loved him and my parents couldn’t get enough of him. He was amazing we dated all the way through high school then college came and we couldn’t of been stronger. But something happened and sparked something horrid. Than all the sudden I was in a very harsh relationship, abusive, emotionally and physically. It all started one day when he saw me out talking with one of my best guy friends. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was actually about to take his one year old because he had work and needed someone to watch her, but when I told Casey that he didn’t believe me. He went crazy with jealousy and just snapped. I was afraid and that day was the start of the abuse. The next day I packed up all mine and Carson, my baby’s things and tried to leave, but he wouldn’t let me. Everything went rapidly downhill from there. I was terrified to wake up each morning just because I knew that each day I would be hurt even more. Now I don’t even say he’s mine anymore, my love from him has faded. But the strange thing about the abuse is that he apologized and brought me flowers and gifts after he hit me. At first I forgave him, because he said he would stop and I believed him. But, then it kept happening. And then the raping started to happen. It was frightening to have someone to creep on top of me every night and rape me. It was even harder because at one point of my life I thought he loved me. Now that was gone. Now he got me to the point where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore because I had so many bruises on my body all I saw was these dark purple and black patches and I was disgusted to even look at myself. I was scared out of my mind, but he said if I told anyone he would kill our baby and me. I wanted to tell my parents and the police but, I needed to protect my child. Even if he was lying I wasn’t going to take that chance.
I was cautious about everything I did because I knew that the beatings would get worse if I did something he didn’t like. I got hit everyday for what felt like forever. The beatings were very long, felt like hours. The only reason I let myself go through that was because I needed to protect Carson. I waited for the right time to leave him and go to the police but I was scared they wouldn’t do anything about it. But I also stayed because I was scared for our lives. I’d rather be beat everyday then have my child killed. I was so alone he wouldn’t let me talk to any of my friends or even my parents the only one I talked to was Carson, that baby is the only way I could get through all that abuse. He was my sunshine at the end of each day. He my only positive in this negative world.
But one day I don’t know what possessed me to pack up all our things and walk out that door while he was passed out drunk on the couch. I went straight to the police station and told them my story. They didn’t believe me at first, but I tried to convince them with my words, because I was embarrassed about all the bruises so I tried all that I could to prevent them from seeing it, but I had to do it. I told them if those excruciating painful bruises wasn’t proof enough then I don’t know what else to do. I told them if they are not going to do anything about him hurting me and putting our child in risk then I want God to take us away from all that pain. But they didn’t have any proof that it was him that caused those bruises but they were going to investigate child endangerment.
So that’s what they did. And they found him guilty of child endangerment, and at the same time they also found evidence of him abusing me. They wouldn’t tell what that was they found they just said they had enough evidence to convict him for at least 5 years. But, I didn’t feel like that was long enough. I still felt scared. I still felt that he was going to kill me. That day I saw him get brought into the station. And that feeling of being scared was uncontrollable. He looked right at me and gave me the most frightening, evil look I ever saw. At that moment I knew if he got released he would try to kill me or the baby or maybe even both of us. I couldn’t let that happen.
