Afterglow ❃ l.m.j

• chapter four •

"Alright. Do you know what you want to bring into session today?" Lottie asked, clapping her hands to get my attention.

I looked up from the apple that I was cutting with a small smile. Tuesdays were my therapy days and while I wasn't too sure what exactly I wanted to get off of my chest, I knew there was a heavy feeling that I needed to sort through.

A lot happened in the past week alone and now that the holidays were steadily approaching, I wanted to be in a better headspace to go see my family.

"Um..." I looked down at the knife in my hands, peeling a slice away from the core. "Kind of? I don't know... We started a new event at the club this week."

The blonde on the other end of the screen nodded. "Yes, you said something about it being on Saturday last week, right?"

My smile widened. "Yes! Sacrificial Saturdays. This... Saturday, was the first."

"Yes, okay. How did it go?"

I looked down at the core sitting in my hands with a wrinkle of my nose. I set it into the trash and put my knife into the sink.

"It went great. Really great, actually. I nailed my set, I'm really proud of myself. And I met someone. Well, I meet someone every night but like... I don't know, I met someone different. I felt a little nervous but also really giddy inside. And she was so fucking pretty. Like, Lottie, I think even if you seen her you'd be like, damn."

The older woman chuckled and brushed me off. I mirrored her response in contempt.

"And there was just this chemistry. I could tell she was nervous around me. But it didn't stop her from saying what she wanted and I liked that. She was so big on consent too, and you know I think that shit is sexy." I grinned, popping an apple slice into my mouth.

My therapist watched me intently with a smile on her face. If there was one thing I loved about Lottie, it was that I felt like I was talking to a friend instead of a mental health professional. She made me feel really seen.

"Yes, I think consent is not only very important, but can be very attractive when handled well. Was meeting this person a good experience for you all in all?"

I pushed the remnants of my apple into my cheek as I chewed. "Um... Yes! If I'm being honest, I wasn't nervous just because she was pretty, I was nervous because of me. And she didn't do anything wrong but I just became so hyper aware of myself that it was hard to be present and enjoy the moment."

"Okay." The blonde puckered her lips in thought. "What about you made you nervous to communicate with her?"

I swallowed my food and leaned a bit more into the camera so she could see me better.

"I don't know. Well, okay, I do, but it's kinda TMI... I got, you know, aroused around her and that doesn't really happen often. I was really worried that she noticed. Well, I feel like she noticed. She said something about me not worrying and it being a perfectly normal bodily response. But I don't think we were talking about the same thing."

"I don't follow. Why wouldn't you be talking about the same thing?"

I bit my cheek to keep from laughing, casting my gaze to the floor.