My promise

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"I'll never fall again, I won't let myself be hurt again, I won't let my heart get broken again"

I promised myself, I repeated in my head so many times for so many years.

Why did I betrayed myself? Why did I broke my own heart?

After 6 years of being alone, just working to attend all the necessary, I met her. I disliked her at first, her way of talking and acting. It was so fake, but she still kept it up. Little by little I wanted to know who she was, really was. Why did I tried? I was doing well, I was alright, but...I messed up.

Blake Richards, manager of CM distributions. A woman everyone liked, she was serious when it was about work but when we were outside of work she was so funny and everyone just liked her. She was a beauty, thought she never really liked admitting it sometimes. However many guys liked her. Even though she was so amazing, she didn't had many friends, I only met one.
Somehow I felt like wanting to know her, care for her. Why did I tried? She was funny, impressive in many ways. She was so closed inside though, no matter how close I thought I was to her, I was wrong. So wrong. I tried drifting away but, I couldn't. I actually liked someone again.

I didn't knew that falling for someone again was gonna be possible. But it happened, sadly she was someone I shouldn't have fall for. I talked to her about many things, we would laugh and sometimes turned into a serious conversation. It was so fun. I knew though, I knew I wasn't allow to have this feelings, maybe they were gonna ruin me. I tried hurting myself by thinking I wasn't good enough for her, I was too ugly, I didn't took care of myself. I stabbed myself with as many things I could, so I would bleed out and not be hurt by anything.

Some time passed and I found out that she was dating someone, I tried being happy and find who that was.
As I saw her, as I saw them, deep inside I wished for it to end but I also knew that I shouldn't ask for such things. Even if they did, what about it then? I tried, I swear I tried breaking it, she won't care anyway. True be told, what was the use when I had to see her everyday.
I felt sick, when I would ignore her felt the worst because she didn't even seem to care. What was I hoping for? My friends were close to her, they would joke around, hug each other. I couldn't even come close to her. A side of me wanted to be close to her even if it bother her, but as prideful as I was I wasn't gonna be. I regret not doing so. I never thought so much of hugging someone in my life, but being beside her and not being able to...
Her love ended, when I heard about it, I felt rejoice, but for what? What difference would it make? Even though my mind would think something, I would say another. I encourage her to find love, maybe hoping it would be me was not a chance, I knew she needed love. No matter how cold she was, she needed it.
Ah, how much I wished that I could be chilled and tell her my feelings. I didn't care about being rejected, at least I had heard it from her mouth.

After some time she was transfer to another country, even though I was promoted I didn't felt happy, not a bit. The office felt so monotonous without her, she told me she was probably coming back, however she later said she wasn't.  Being in the office felt suffocating now.

I liked her, I maybe still do, but what about it? Such a sad love. Maybe someday I would be courageous enough to tell her. For now, I'll try to breath deep and not suffocate myself till the time comes for me to breath better again.










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[A/N]: Wow! I'm so happy for the likes and views.

Sorry for such a sad story, I'll try to make a more lively one!! Please wait for it!

Thanks~ 💙

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