Chasing Cassy

Kabanata 12

Tiring day. That's what I had right now. Kailangan ko ng umuwi si Mama lang mag isa sa bahay. Dumiretso na ako sa may Waiting Shed sa labas ng School, nag antay ako ng ilang minuto bago nakasakay at mukhang uulan pa yata. Sanay naman akong mag Commute kaya hindi na problema sa akin ang pag sakay ng tricycle o kaya naman Jeep. Hindi naman ako maarte sa katawan kaya hindi na ako namimili ng sasakyan, tsaka hindi naman ako marunong mag drive kaya hindi ko nagagamit yung kotse sa bahay.

Nasa tapat na ako ng gate namin ng may napansin akong lalaki sa gilid na nakasandal. Hindi ko sya kilala.

"Uhh...sino po sila?"

He just stared. Those eyes, those brown eyes. Hindi ko sya kilala. Ano bang ginagawa ng lalaki na 'to dito? Sino ba 'to?

"Where's your mom?" Calm. Those calm voice. Hindi ko talaga sya kilala. Why is he even asking about mom? Are they friends?

"Sa loob po. Why?"

"You're her daughter, right?" Napatango naman ako agad. Ang dami nya atang alam. Sino nga ba 'to?

"Yes po."

He smirked. Why is he here? What's his problem? Do I know him? Nah, a big NO.

"Cassandra." I froze. Para akong nanlamig sa kinatatayuan ko. Bakit nya alam ang pangalan ko? Who is he?

"Who are you?" Ayoko ko talaga ng ganitong scene. Yung may lalaking kakausap sa'yo tapos di mo kilala. Feeling ko, lalapain ako o kaya naman ho-holdapin. Wag naman sana.

Sa halip na sabihin nya sa akin ang pangalan nya ngumiti lang sya sa akin. Not the normal smile na nakikita ko sa masasayang ngiti ng tao. But that smile gives me shiver. May parang mali.

"Wait! Hey! W-wait! Ano...teka lang! Sandali!" Halos takbohin ko na yung dinaanan nya para mapigilan lang sya pero ang hirap nyang abotin. Ang bilis nya kasing mag lakad.

Babalik na sana ako ng may napansin akong nakatayo sa may poste. Lalaki. Tiningnan ko sya at nag taka. Liam. Anong ginagawa nya dito?

Lalapit na sana ako sa kanya ng bigla nalang syang nag lakad palayo. Leaving. Always. I have no choice but to enter the house. And I'm not mistaken again nor shocked. My mom, she's crying again, drinking. The bottles of beer are on the floor, broken into pieces. It's as if she throw it on the wall, screaming, asking what she did wrong. She's always doing that. In the morning, all day, she's doing that all day. I don't know what to do. She has a freaking cancer for f*ck sake and now she's acting like that.

I need to talk to dad. I need to know the whole damn truth. I can't believe he's doing this to us. How can he leave us?! This is stupid.

"Cassandra, you're home." Yeah, home. Is this even home? It's feels like I'm so far away from home.

"I've been standing here for five minutes, Mom." I've been watching you destroy your own life for five minutes. And she's still not stopping.

"Oh, get inside your room. Go change, honey. Your dad's going home any minute now." She told me that as if it's the truth. He's not coming home, Mom.

"Dad has another family, Mom. He's not coming." It's the truth. It's heartbreaking but it's the truth.

"NO! DON'T SAY THAT! HE SAID HE'LL FIX THIS! HE PROMISED YOU RIGHT? HE'S COMING HOME! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! HE'LL BE HO---"

"Stop it. Stop. Just stop it, mom!" I can't just watch her saying those lies! I can't stand seeing her like that! Is she even my mom? She's not the mother I knew. She's not my mom anymore. I can't lose her. I just can't lose anyone.

"Cassandra. Babalik sya, your dad promised. He even talked to me, anak. He told me that he loves me and he'll be home when everything's okey."

Now, she's sobbing again. Just stop this drama, Mom. Hindi na ito nakakatuwa. This is too much drama. This is heartbreaking. This is insane. This is painful. Seeing her like that is painful. Knowing how she wants me to believe that dad will come home to us. But I can't just live my life full of lies. I'm done living it. I'm done experiencing it, this is enough. This is too much.

"He's not coming home, mom. Wag na kayong umasa, kasi if he loves you that much, he'll never leave us broken. But he already did, Mom. Love, that love of yours is...it's not...mom, I'm sorry for saying this but, hindi na nya tayo mahal. He left us, mom. He left and he's never coming back. Jus please, stop this, mom. Hindi ko na kakayanin 'to ng mag-isa."

Before she can utter any words, nagmadali na akong umakyat sa kwarto ko at nagbihis. This life is so unfair. I just want us to be complete and full of love. I just want us to be happy, is that even wrong? Is that even too much to ask? Oh right, tomorrow is even too much to ask for, kasiyahan pa kaya?

The last thing I knew, I fell asleep trying to forget the things I don't want to remember anymore. I wish this was all just a stupid nightmare.