Forbidden (A Chris Brown Love Story)

Chapter 14: Thinking it all over

Katyiana POV:
Does Terrence really love me? Drip! Is he going hit me again? Drop! Is it bad that I just wanted join my mother up there in heaven? Splash! Was that really her talking to me at the grave or have I completely lost it? Is Ari okay with Chris? Are things going to change? The shower water continued as all these unanswered questions revolved in my head.

Sitting in the shower it all became so clear. There was so much I wanted out of my life that I knew I'd never get. Wanting to call my mom for answer. Wanting not to feel the sting on my face from where Terrence slapped me as the water splashed on my cheek. Wishing that I would've told Chris about my moms death years ago, told him about my fathers true colors, and most of all told him that I wanted him to stay all those years ago after I got pregnant. Maybe my life would be different: I'd actually be happy and not faking it.

Knock! Knock! Knock! Terrence walked through the door and everything hit me at once.

***Flashback***

"I cant do this quiet anymore Yo," Terrence said from behind me as I sat snuggled up on the couch for the second day in a row.

"What is the big fucking deal," I stammered this being the first thing I said to him since I came back from my mother's grave site yesterday.

"I don't know you tell me." he started. "From he first day I met you at the church. You NEVER mentioned even whispered a single thing about Auriella's father. Now all you do is mope around the house like the pain from missing her is unbearable. While she's halfway across the country with her alleged father who beats women. You don't want to talk, you don't want me to touch you so what am I supposed to do. You seemed stressed about more then just that... for crying out loud maybe if we were having sex you wouldn't be up tight. There's no explanation about that shit either you aren't even a virgin so I'd love to know what made Chris so worthy and not me if that really is your daughter's father."

"You know what?" I rose up the blanket fell the floor. "You got some nerves considering you almost killed my child. My mother died from a generic drug overdose so excuse me for being a little depressed. Things with Ari could've been way worse. All this talk about her father but the real person I'm questioning in my life is you." His face relaxed and he looked remorseful. "When I got to the hospital I saw you smoking a cigarette without a worry in the world. The only reason I didn't smack the shit out of you then was because I thought it was a careless mistake."

"Katyiana I swear on my life those were never my intentions. I was tryna watch the game after I finished my treasury forms for the church and she was screaming. I would never intentionally hurt Auriella and as a man of god I can never see myself hurting any child." a tear rolled down my face not because he was telling the truth but because of the next thing I was going to say.

"Lets be real," I stated. "The only reason you were ever interested me was because my dad was pastor. Yeah you love me, yeah you tolerate my daughter. But this relationship only happened out of convenience not real love. I believe you'd never intentionally hurt my daughter but that I could trust you with her life I'm not so sure anymore."

"So you trust Chris?" he questioned dramatically getting closer. "The nigga that left with the baby but not the one that has been by your side for the last two years. This is why I left black bitches alone to begin with: that backwards as way of thinking."

" See this is the problem with ALL black men," I got in his face. "You think black women have to have an explanation for every single little thing when y'all do the stupidest shit yourselves. You don't wanna talk about how you gave my daughter that stupid as medicine and she damn near died. You don't wanna talk about how you left this bruise on my wrist the other day we started this conversation. You sure as hell don't wanna talk about what Chris is gonna do if he finds out you gave her the medicine."

"...tic!" He mumbled.

"Speak up," I yelled getting in his face. He raised his hand and time froze.

"PATHETIC," he screamed. One strike and I dropped in immense pain. He flinched after like I was about it him. I had warned him about putting his hands on me again. Maybe it was a test. I hawkspit dead in his face shoes and collected myself to go back upstairs. He stared at me as if he expected me to fight back. Just like my dad stared at my mom when they argued. My mom never rose her voice simply voiced her opinion and walked away. I wish it was that easy for me today. I'd hoped he would try to hit me again because I had a knife for him the next time.

I stared in my bathroom mirror looking at my swollen red cheek and busted lip. All that from one hit. It's stung really bad when I touched it. I gargled some peroxide and though about how unhealthily territorial Terrence was. He never ever put his hands on me until the first I had mentioned missing Ari that day in her room. We were talking about the situation with Chris and he grabbed me. Now I talk to him about the fact that I upset him almost killing my child and he still brings it back to me trusting Chris. Seems like extreme jealously. It made me wonder since we weren't having sex was the emotional connection that strong for him. If I do have sex with him would thing make anything easier. Based on how he's been acting probably not.