Why Does Wrong Feel So Right?

Chapter 1

I was the only person in the world. I wasn’t aware of the disgusting cloud of cigarette smoke hanging over the room or the pungent smell of alcohol coming from the red solo cup in everyone’s hand including mine.

You see, I didn’t want to get drunk. It just happened. James dragged me to this stupid party and then ditched me to hang out with his “bros”. I was left with Gabby. With her golden hair, perfect rosy cheeks, and her icy, cold, and calculating eyes. She is dating James, my best friend. I liked her at first because whoever made James happy, made me happy. That is until I caught her kissing another guy at the movie theater. I tried to tell James but he wouldn’t listen. He just kept saying that she would never do that to him. After that he wouldn’t talk to me for 3 weeks. This party was supposed to be his way of making up for his silence.

When I first walked through the door I was extremely uncomfortable. There were couples making out on couches, lousy music, and a lot of way prettier and intimidating girls. I mean come on! I’m not ugly but I’m not pretty either. I have plain brown hair and boring hazel eyes. I’m way too short and I’m as pale as a ghost. All of these girls were tall, blond, and tan. I felt inferior.

It just went downhill the moment James walked away. Gabby grabbed my wrist and spat, “Hurry up Skylar. I know you don’t want to be here so let’s go find you some other losers to hang out with while I actually enjoy myself.”

“Wow. How kind of you. What a saint.” I mumbled.

“What?” Gabby asked.

“Oh nothing Gabby. Just talking to myself.” I replied nervously.

“Freak.” She said under her breath.

She then continued to drag me through the house. We stopped in the kitchen. Some people called her name and she demanded, “Here. Drink this and find something to do. Don’t be a buzzkill either.” She then walked away to join her friends.

In the cup that she handed me there was a brown liquid that looked a lot like apple cider. I wasn’t really planning on drinking it because honestly it smelled like acid. But I did. I felt her eyes boring into my soul. I knew that if I didn’t drink it, I would be an outcast forever. The freak who refused to drink a tiny bit of beer.

It tasted awful but I downed the entire cup. I heard a chorus of “Whoo! Dang!” from around the room. I knew it was wrong. Underage drinking and everything. I’m only 15. I think I was buzzed. I hate to admit it but I actually liked the feeling. I felt the weight magically disappear from my shoulders. All of my suffering and inner torment just stopped for a while. What anybody said wasn’t significant. This was my new escape.

I wasn’t even concerned what my parents would do if they found out that I snuck out to come here. Or how disappointed James would be when he found out that I gave into peer pressure. I didn’t care what anybody thought. Not even myself. There was this little voice in the back of my mind whispering, You’re making a big mistake. Think of the consequences. But I kept pushing it down even though deep down inside I knew it wasn’t right.

I knew that when I sobered up things would go back to the way they were. I would go back to being the plain, boring, and quiet girl that I am. I’ll go back to being in the shadows. I’ll probably have a fierce hangover. Even when drinking I’ll never be truly content or satisfied.

I had a few more drinks after the first and I was completely wasted. Everything kind went by in a blur. I was only slightly aware of what I was doing. I think I mostly danced.

But oh was I wrong...