Ranting book about my love life and other shit. I'm gonna post in it whenever I feel like writing whatever is on my chest since life sucks and I've lost my ability to care.
Hello everyone. It's been a while, hasn't it? I know no one cares but I'm gonna write what has happened.
I really want to end it all. I met the 'love of my life' and god was she a dream and a nightmare wrapped in one. I loved her so much but she caused so many problems for me and my life. I stayed up late for her, constantly tried to be there for her and stay to her standards. We planned on meeting next year as well right before our one year. She was the dream girl that got overly jealous and always needed attention, but turned around and said she was being smothered and I wasn't enough since I'm trans and not country. I wouldn't be able to provide her a family and live the country life. She fell out of love with me while being together, right before being together for only three months. She fell out of love and in love with another man. How awful is that? Being in love one moment but falling out of love because of some words. God I wish I could go back and change it. My heart hurts so much and I've shed more tears over her than anyone else. Today, she confronted me and a fight broke out because of some people saying stuff behind my back and feeding her false information. Now I'm not allowed anywhere in her life and I'm talked about amongst her, her new boyfriend, and the people I once considered friends. It hurts so fucking much. I knew she was feeling out of it, and she even told me she was thinking of ending it. I spent so many nights alone and crying, having panic attacks but she didn't care. Her new boyfriend was more important to her at the time I seriously needed her, and I'm tearing up at the thought. It's been almost a month and I'm still hurting so much and just want to fix it all, but unfortunately, I can't. I don't mean to write this for attention but I wanted to rant, and this happened to be the place I wrote my heart out years ago. I get chills thinking about her and her want to be held in the other mans arms. I become depressed at the thought of her not wanting me around. She called me toxic even though I was just distant. I told her how I felt but I never once said it to guilt her, but yet she still took it as me trying to get her back. I will admit I wanted to fight for her back but I've become so drained. I wish everything would just end. She moved on and I'm stuck. I'm toxic yet she basically forced me with her. She caused so many fights. Yet I'm toxic. But I would love to turn back the clock and fix what was caused. Anyways, I poured my heart out again. I am so fucking depressed now and all I want to do is tell her I love her, I'm sorry, I had such an awful nightmare. I dream about her and she ends up coming back to me. That's my dream. I wish she could see this but at the same time I'm glad she has no idea about this account. I just want to tell her the things I can't vocally say. So thank you to the people who read the sad man's story about a broken heart and how it feels. I don't want pity, I don't want sympathy, maybe I am posting this for attention but at the same time I debate to not share this as I don't want people thinking I'm the boy crying wolf. I just want her to turn around and say the few simple words I wish I could tell her. Maybe she is the one that has me end it all? Who knows. Once again, thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a good night.
^^^^ I copied that off my DeviantArt because I'm too lazy to write anything new.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Please do not adress me as Cry, DP, or anything else like that. Simply call me Error or Tyre. Those names are no longer who I am.
