The Asylum

Chapter Four: Can Good Boys Really Be Bad?

      The rest of the time I had on my hands was mainly spent walking aimlessly around the building, trying to decide what to show Luke when I gave him a tour later. After taking myself around the complex to plan out his private show, I went back to the cafeteria for lunchtime and to chat with Luke some more before we started around the complex.

After we had had our small fill of the food we had been provided for our servings, we got up and traveled out of the doors. I took some time to show him the first floor, as it was where most of the patients spent most of their days. Next, I showed him the second floor, where the gym, classrooms for younger kids here, and some other activity rooms were located. I didn't go all they way up, but paused in the stairwell before reaching the door to the third floor. "Why aren't we going in there?" He asked, confusion laced in his familiar voice. I looked at the door in silence before answering, making sure to keep my gaze on the steel rectangle that kept guard to a floor that held many rumors.

"I'll tell you later, after we have finished your tour. For now, I still have the courtyard to show you. That's my favorite part of this place." I claimed, trying to sound as cheery as possible, but it was not too hard for Luke to sense the timidness in my tone. With that, I headed back down the metal stairs first, hoping and praying that whatever was lurking behind that door would not become aroused by the clanging of our feet on each step.

Reaching the giant courtyard behind the building, I took a small breath in at how beautiful the day had gotten. The sun was shining bright through a patch of trees towards the back end of the fence, and closer to us, many of the younger patients were playing games like kickball or tag. Luke seemed just as fascinated as I was, closing his eyes and breathing in the fresh scent of the afternoon breeze. "So, what part of the courtyard do you want to see first? I could just take you around the perimeter if you want." I asked, sort of answering my own question. "Whatever suites you works for me!" He replied with a cheery smile: Luke always seemed to be happier and more comfortable when in my presence.

I moved away from the small concrete patio in front of the doors and stepped onto the warm grass. I kicked my boots and socks off and threw them next to a shadowed wall by the door before turning back to Luke, who had an amused look on his face. " What are you waiting for? Get over here so I can finish your tour, silly!" I jeered playfully, and he too decided to kick off his shoes to join me.

We walked along the wire fence, Luke behind me as I pointed out general parts of the courtyard and explained them to him. I let the fingers of my hand closer to the fence glide against the cool metal diamond pattern, gently bumping up and down against the specific overlay and underlay of each grey wire. Finally, we reached the grove at the back of the court yard. It was filled with some different variations of tree and plant kinds, all centered around a koi pond and a few benches.

I walked through the array of trees and plants with Luke by my side as I brushed past the different shaped green leaves and vines, inhaling the sweet smell of sap as I sat at a stained bench near the koi pond. "You must really like it out here, huh?" He asked me solemnly, taking a seat on my right side. "Yeah, this is the only part of the asylum that I've found to be peaceful enough to calm me. I enjoy just sitting here in the quietness when no one else is around back here." I replied, staring at the ground shyly. I noticed him provide a sympathetic smile from out of the corner of my eye.

"Hey, I completely forgot to ask you the other day, but what's the bandage on your arm there for?" He observed, reaching out a finger to touch the bandage carefully. When I defensively pulled the injured arm away from his touch out of reaction, he looked up and me and I could see the slight hurt brewing in his hazel orbs. I felt guilty for my harsh actions towards the boy, as he was only being the kind and sweet person he always had been towards me.

"I-I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to come across in such a harsh way. I'm just not so used to people caring about what I do to myself." I mumbled quietly, not bearing to look him in the eyes. " Alex, did you just say, what you do to yourself? Alex, you know you can trust me with anything right? And I mean anything. I'm not going to leave until you tell me what happened." He insisted, the concern evident in his speech. I trusted Luke, I truly did, and I had never felt this close to anyone before. Now was the time to tell him, and I was going to go for it.

" Luke, I... I self harm. I have been for a long time. That's really why I'm here. I have PTSD from being raped when I was just a young girl. I have severe anxiety and depression. I get panic attacks all the time. Since you have been here, since we met the other day in the cafeteria, all of that has disappeared. I have finally gotten the chance to

feel what it's like to be a normal teenager. I don't want that all to be ruined now because you think i'm a stupid girl who only wants attention from others." I confessed wholeheartedly, finally grasping the strength to look up at him. His eyes were glazed over as if he wanted to cry, but was not ready. The tears were streaming down my face as I buried my head into his chest, wanting nothing else but for him to hold me and never let go.

Almost instantly, he wrapped me in his tight embrace, seeming to somehow understand the pain that I was going through. We sat for another 15 minutes or so, my head resting on his lap as he rubbed various shapes and squiggles on my forearm where the bandage was, being extremely gentle with his touch. After the fifteen minutes, he started to seem fidgety so I looked up to check to see if he was alright. He looked down at me with a genuine smile and patted my hip, signaling for me to sit up.

"Look, Alex, I really have enjoyed the tour you gave me. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me all of this too, but I really have to go." His face held nearly no expression, but I could sense the tension in his voice as he rushed through what he had to say. I was speechless at this point. What was wrong? Had I upset him in some way? I had no idea what he was thinking, but before I could get a word out, he had jumped up and taken off across the courtyard and was running for the doors back inside.

Tons of things started to run through my head as I stood, rooted to that spot at the edge of the grove. Was it me? Had he just been faking this whole time? Was he actually scared of me now that I had confessed the secrets of my dark past to him? Or even worse... Did Luke possibly have a dark past, and equally dark secrets, that he had been hiding too?