Why Do You Do This? (YouTuber FF) *under editing*

The One and Only Tyler Oakley

Tyler brought us to a nice little steak house just outside of LA. Meat has to be my favorite thing to eat, especially red meat. I love my steak medium rare with A1 sauce. Delicious. And a large serving of French fries covered with salt and honey mustered. As you can tell, I like to eat. Although, I am a skinny little thing, I can eat almost half of a pizza alone. Tyler gets the same thing as me but instead of French fries, he gets sweet potato fries. Sweet potato fries are good it's just that French fries are much better.

"Can I see you bracelet?" He holds his hand out to see. I put my wrist in his hand and he looks at it closely. It's a bracelet that my mom got me when we when to France. I was only twelve then but i never took it off since. It's a hand made bracelet made out of strong black leather and black beads. In the center on a metal plate it says 'Jo ensoleillé' which means 'Sunny Jo' in English. That is where I go the name for my YouTube channel. It was originally going to be 'Jo ensoleillé' but not many people would know what that means so I translated it to English. My mother wanted me to do it in French but of course I didn't listen. People would think that it's a French channel so the wouldn't follow and French people that follow would see that it's an English channel and not follow. Though she was upset, she got over it quickly.

"What's this?" He asks slowly. He runs his thumb across my wrist. I pull it back and hide my hand under the table, rubbing my wrist with my other hand instinctively.

"It's nothing." I lie. The only way you could notice the marks is if you were looking for them. They faded quiet a bit over the years and their hardly noticeable.

"Jo, that's not nothing." His eyes are genuinely soft and so was his voice.

"It was a long time ago. I don't anymore."

"How long ago?"

"Ten years."

"You harmed yourself when you were ten?"

"It's nothing."

"Please tell me."

"I will later. When we are alone. Not here." He nods understanding that I don't want to tell him when we are in public. What am I going to do. I don't want to tell him why. His whole perspective of me will change. He won't think of me the same. Everyone that I told, all acted the same around me. They tried not to say words that would bring up my past. They wouldn't touch me. They would try not to speak to me directly in fear I would start to cry. They would avoid eye contact. But worst of all, when they think I can't see, they would look at me like I was broken. Like I am weak or lost. But I'm non of those things. I can handle just as much as every other person on this planet. I don't want to be treated like I am an abused puppy. I want to be treated like everyone else. And now, I am going to have another person treating me like that.

We didn't talk anymore and eat in silence. I can see Tyler's eyes following my wrist every time I bring my fork to my lips. It makes me feel even more self-conscious about my self. Like everyone is looking at the fading scars on my wrist. I rub the scares wishing they would just go away. But to wish for something is irrational and so childish. One can not simple wish for something to occur. To wish for something real but it's out of touch. My scares are here to stay and there isn't much sense in wishing it away. To wish for something is like believing in magic. No matter how brilliant or wonderful it sounds, magic is just an illusion. One that is truly disheartening. Although wishing is illogical, trying isn't. But there is nothing for the scares. They are a constant reminder of the need for affliction.

My appetite for the steak and French fries diminishes as the thoughts drowned my head. Tyler doesn't seem to be wanting his food anymore either. I look down in my lap however i can feel his eyes fixed on me. He is starring right at me and I have no intentions to meet his gaze. The waiter comes over and accepts our payment. Before the waiter actually leaves I am already half way out of the door. I can't stand being in that room with so many people. My world seems to start spinning and I know I need get out of here. I now this feeling and I need to be away from everyone before it happens. My heart beat starts to pick up and the thud of a drum can be heard in my ear. The overwhelming sense of danger hangs in the air and I can't help but look around at the dark cold night half-expecting some one to be out there with a chain saw and mask. My breath heightens with my heart beat and I start to hyperventilate. My throat is parched despite the tall glass of water I had with my meal. I found myself standing against the car trying to catch my breath. I feel as if I am going to die.

"Jo?" Tyler asks putting a hand on my shoulder. I jump and turn to face him.

"Don't touch me... please." The worlds fumble out of my mouth uneasily. Every syllable shaky.

"Why are you crying? Are you okay?" He asks slowly stepping towards me. My hands run under my eyes feeling the salty water that has sprung out.

"I don't want to die. Please Tyler, don't let me die."

"Your not going to die. I won't let you."

"My... I- what do I do? I am dying."

"Jo, your no-"

"Please can we leave? Get me out of here, please!" I push past him and tug on the locked door handle. He unlocks the car giving me access to the inside. Once inside, Tyler begins to drive terribly home. Almost hitting a dog, ran a stop sign, when over the speed limit of 30 miles per hour. Tyler is quiet possible the worst driver to ever set foot on the gas pedal. Although he was completely cute about it. Saying sorry every time or 'Girl, you should not be in the road' or even 'that was green. I don't know what your talking about, girl'. Like he is trying to make me laugh or lighten up. But all I could manage is a sad smirk. Slowly, my heart beat and breathing go back to normal and all symptoms of the anxiety attack leave.

All to soon, we get home. I try to stall the time it takes to get into the house by walking slow or purposely leaving my window open saying 'I forgot'. But some how, we got inside without to much time passing. I try to retreat to my bedroom but Tyler puts his hands on my shoulders and forced my to sit on the L-shaped couch. Tyler sits down facing me with his hands folded together and his body forward in a way that looks uncomfortable but when you actually do it, it's comfortable.

"So tell me." He says simply. His eyes are fixed on mine. I try to keep eye contact but fail miserable.

"What do you want to know?"

"Every thing."

So I start to tell him everything. From the beginning of my sad life to the present. Slow at first, not knowing what to say exactly but then everything just started to spill out of my mouth in an angry, hurt way. All the rage I felt came out verbally. All the emotions broke down the briars I have built up since I was a small child. At the end, my body shakes with both anger and fear. My face stained with salty tears and my eyes squeezed tightly shut; hopping to make every flaw unexciting. But hoping is like wishing.

Arms wrap around my quivering body. I let my head sink into Tyler's chest as I sob uncontrollable. His hands rub my back in an attempt to sooth and comfort me. Time goes by and my eyes are completely drained of tears. I lean back and sniff my nose.

"So that was an anxiety attack you had back there. In the parking lot."

"I'm sorry..." I was referring to his tear stained shirt. In the middles of his chest is a large wet spot from my tears.

"Don't be sorry."

"Please, just promise me this won't change anything between us."

"Why would it change anything?"

"Well, everyone else-"

"Girl, I am not everyone."

***

Check out Jo's outfits here:

http://www.polyvore.com/why_do_you_this/collection?id=3781060

Available on External Link

Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Don't forget vote and comment what you think about this chapter.

-Abby<3