The Update

Introduction

It was on nights like this when I'd get too much into character. With the drama, unnecessary vulgarity, and about as many "thou's" that any man could fit into one sentence. The whole "Shakespearean pie". It was excessive really, but in my defense, who could blame me? When I was a boy I always dreamt of myself in shining armor. Besting the dragon, and wooing the fair maiden. If you'd have told my nine year old self that I'd be making a living out of this, and when I say "living" I mean it purely out of satire, I would likely give you the look. I'm fairly certain most nine year old boys kept their imagination intact, at least I did. I however, was no fool. I ran around the field in my back yard with my foam sword and wooden shield living in my dream. But I knew it for what it was, a dream.

Yet somehow I'm here all over again. Except this time, I'm on the other end of a wooden fence, sitting on a horse, and facing Sir Kalahan, or Carl as we know him backstage, as the announcer rolls our introductions. I always got nervous before a tournament. I would get the shakes, start to sweat, and breathe heavily as I replayed the pain of getting knocked from my horse over and over. It never truly leaves your mind. Especially when you're paid to lose and repeat the process.

Now I don't wanna sound depressing, or evoke pity when I tell you this. In all honesty that's not the intent at all. And by no means have I ever looked back on my situation in a "woe is me" fashion for the simple reason that if I didn't have the past that I did I wouldn't be the gentleman and scholar that I am today. That being said I've never had an issue with loss. I've been losing since I was little. In school, in sports, in romantic affairs and the death of family members on numerous occasions. I've never really known otherwise, and it was in my contract to do so. It's just the pain really. I'm not thrilled with the pain.

Jousting is the name of the game and pain is the contract you sign when you park your ass on that horse. See with jousting in a tournament there are an assortment of rules and factors to take into consideration. Points for example. If you break your lance on your opponent's chest that's one point. However breaking your lance above the opponent's neck is two points, of course we were never to break our lance on our opponent's helmet, as you can imagine, that leads to excruciating pain that over the counter remedies won't fix. Then there's knocking them off their horse which was Sir Kalahan's job. If you inflict a blow that knocks them off their horse that is an automatic win regardless of the points they hold against you. And with a horse that, upon average, can gallop from 40 to 48 kilometres per hour or 25 to 30 mph that's pretty painful especially in metal armor. The world record for a horse galloping over a short, sprint distance is 88 kilometers or 55mph, and I honestly can't imagine getting struck at that speed. It's like getting hit by a car and yet exceedingly realistic.

That's why this job was such a score. The realism is worth it all and bollox to what anyone else says. Many would give an arm and a leg to work at Medieval Times and who could blame them? It's fun as hell. You're in a castle eating food and watching entertainment fit for a king. Not to mention behind the scenes. It's just as fun for different reasons, depending on who you ask. You have the kitchen staff, who work their tails off, just to make sure the food is as aesthetically pleasing to the eye as it is to the tongue. You have the Tech and stage prep who work with setting up the props, lights, script, etc. Which is, what I originally signed up for.

Then you have the performers, who act as nobles such as lords and ladies. Then the knights, servants, peasants and surfs. And I was of course a knight performing in the jousting tournament. Again I emphasize the fact that I didn't apply for this. I wanted to do tech, and I started in that department. But the manager did a look over on my resume due to low staff and saw that I took acting in high school. I was called to a conference and they asked me to audition. Three days later I was decked out in armor on a one ton animal charging at a fellow actor with a stick for the amusement of the "nobles".

All in all things were going great for us at MT though. Better than great. At least I thought so. Then we had to go and get relocated to Washington. Of course my dumb ass had the bright idea of volunteering for tech transportation.