Blackout (A Jikook fanfic)

6. Truths

Jungkook

"You can't be doing things like this, there could be camera's around" Suga scolded Jungkook as they headed to one of lesser used corridors.

"There's always cameras around" he hastily shot back. A little more aggressively than intended, but it really did feel that why. There was always someone watching, cameras, fans, staff, Managers, the rest of the band. Always someone.

Suga's scowl suggested he did not appreciate the angry outburst and Jungkook stepped back, taking a few deep breaths then apologized to Yoongi. Being in BTS meant they all had to follow rules, that he had to walk the line. He knew very well that his actions reflected on his band mates and Jungkook loved being in Bangtan. All of them had worked so hard to get where they were. He would never do anything to jeopardize that.

"I'm just exhausted from this storm keeping me awake. I'm okay now, let's get back to practice" Jungkook tried, but Suga was having none of it.  He could see how tightly wound the kid was.

"No, we aren't going anywhere until you talk to me" the older boy pressed.

Jungkook gave a frustrated laugh. How was he supposed to talk, when he couldn't even get the thoughts straight in his head? He looked over at Yoongi-hyung who stood firm. The guy was pretty good at using silence to get the other person to speak. It was super annoying.

But what could he say? How was he supposed to explain, that he couldn't sleep at night, feeling like some teenage girl pulling petals off a daisy. Wondering if Jimin loves him, or loves him not. For all the looks, the hugs, and the touches they shared, they still hadn't talked about what was going on between them. Too scared to cross that line they walked along. Worried how it would affect the others in the group.

Because it had never been confirmed, Jungkook was left with doubt in his heart and it was eating away at him.

He looked over at Suga again, who had sat himself cross legged on the floor, evidence he wasn't planning on going anywhere until Jungkook started talking.

"Aish!" Jungkook called out, frustrated with the whole situation, then took a steady breath and surrendered.

"I really like Jimin-hyung" he blurted out, not able to look Yoongi in the eye for a few moments.  It was the first time he had admitted that out loud. Well, the first time he really meant it, not just saying something similar, to tease the fans.

"We know" Suga replied "In fact the vast majority of the internet knows, Kookie" he added candidly. Jungkook cringed at those words, recalling some of the things he'd seen on fan sites. But he brushed all those aside and bared his soul.

"I don't know how he feels about me. We've never talked about that kind of thing. Sometimes I'm sure it's real, but then I see how he acts with you, and Hobi and V and then I don't know anymore." Jungkook revealed.

He hated the way he sounded. Like some whiny kid who wasn't getting enough attention or who got jealous every time Jimin played with his other friends. But this was not some fleeting crush he felt. Jungkook had taken years to get to this point, to finally open his heart up to someone.

Suga just sat there, shaking his head in disbelief.

Jimin was naturally affectionate. He was born to flirt, loved skinship, just needed to have physical contact with the people around him. But the guy was also smart. He knew what the fans wanted to see and he had become very good at providing it.

"The way he is with me, J-hope and V, is part Jimin being himself and part fan service. You should know about fan service, Jungkook. You are pretty good at it yourself. The way the two of you use poor Taehyung. I think most of the time you do it just to make each other jealous". Yoongi started to lecture.

"But surely you can tell the difference. See the way he is with you is different. Don't doubt it Jungkook. It's obvious to everyone how much that guy likes you" Suga added and it the first time whilst sitting there, that Jungkook managed to properly look his hyung in the eye.

They stayed there quietly for a few moments, letting the heavy conversation settle and Suga could see some weight lift of the maknae's shoulders. He totally understood some of Jungkook's concerns. Having a relationship whilst in the band was hard. It was the same for all of them. It didn't matter if it was a celebrity, someone from another band or a just a girl off the street, they all had to play by the rules, walk that damn line and not cross it.

"You've just got to find your moment" he finally told the maknae, pulling on some of his own experiences.

"I know it sounds hard, but there will be moments where you can be together, moments where you can be clear on how you feel. You just need to keep your eyes open for them and make sure you don't waste them" he emphasized.

Jungkook managed to find a smile as he accepted Suga's advice. He wasn't optimistic that he would actually find a moment but he could certainly keep his eyes open just in case. Then he lifted himself off the floor and pulled his hyung up with him.

"You good?" Yoongi asked and Jungkook nodded his head. Then the sleepy rapper wrapped an arm around his shoulders and walked them back to the practice room.