The One You Cannot Forget(ShivIka OS)[✓]

The One You Cannot Forget

Annika's POV

Life is a random string of beads; a chaotic sequence of sparkling, dull, ostentatious and revolting. Each one is linked to the next by the string, by time, but cannot predict what comes next. The mind must take what it is given and make the best of it, never loosing hope that more beauty will come.

Life has always been miserable to me. First of all I never wanted to fall in love.In this life falling in love can be the worst of crimes, or so it seems. We exchange only glances, the lightest of touches, jokes and warmth - no more. Yet for a single mistake of mine, there is no room for forgiveness for me. Were this a different time and place we would be lovers; instead we are barely friends who love, nurture and protect each other but we can't ever be together.We're just two stangers now.

  I can't stop thinking about him. I don't know how he has gotten into my head. And I hate the fact that he can mess up with my mind just so easily. To be honest, I'm afraid of love. I'm afraid of the feeling that someone keeps stalking in my heart, making me wondering all night whether he had feelings for me too.That kind of pain which swallows you for whole life . Pains caused by being rejected when you decide to give all your heart to someone doesn't need it. Pains are caused by opening your heart so easily and casually.   

And there I am alone, heartbroken, depressed but can never think of way to escape from that nightmare. How not to remember his arrogant smirk, his mischeivious blue eyes  and his tadi, what makes him Shivaay ? It was all hard. Then stop giggling to yourself in the dark. Then the memories with his presence spills out of my mind over again. I even daydream about him, with him standing next to me.

Oh!What a shame, dear! Whenever I wake up from the nightmare named 'daydreaming', I will find out that nothing but air . This love is so hopeless. And so hurtful. And I don't want this kind of love. I don't even need this kind of love. The one can make me destroy myself unconsciously.

So I tell myself always in vain that he isn't mine anymore but in my heart I had accepted him as my own and he's mine what always this stupid idiot moron of heart speaks.

 Maybe he is. Maybe I should keep my distance from him. Make sure that I can hold him and keep a little piece of him that I still resides in my heart. 

 Being an orphan was really hard. You have to fight with this cruel world to survive. No attachments, only acquaintances are enough for me.

From growing up in the dark world of orphanage to entering in a more cruel world, I had fought my battles alone. I never needed anyone to pick up myself.There is no worse fate for a child in this corrupt district than to loose it's parents. No-one will take in an orphan.

Knowing nothing about my background or family history, I could have been born into a religious cult, a hippy commune or even the royal family – but I bet nothing exciting lies in my past. Most likely, my 'mother' was a drug-addicted prostitute who got knocked up and cared more about herself than the pitiful orphan she'd brought into existence. As once Mrs Pinky Singh Oberoi had voiced out.

             Everyday after work, I used to lie down on my comfortable couch reading books - no communication with friends or others. Loneliness brings life into another realm, quietness is the new beginning for humankind to think more and think from themselves. In the school jail, the crazy competitions don't give you the opportunity to think yourself, you have to pay careful attention to the teachers or else you will be shut down like someone who scored no goals on a hockey team. At least, that was the case for me. Now, I am free and can build my own thoughts and express myself in unique ways and ideas. Loneliness helped to create my own identity and it will continue to strengthen my inner self.

I had mastered her fake smile, right down to the wrinkles around my eyes. No one ever questioned meexcept one person. He saw in my eyes, the windows to my soul, and held on to my as the facade crumbled into a real grimace.

He has the most wonderful eyes – they are blue, mostly, but darken to grey in correspondence to his mood. He seldom smiles with his lips, but it is his eyes that shine instead, and it is this radiance that makes every man and woman who sees it feel the irresistible impulse to smile, too, for this smiling of the eyes is the most sincere and pure emotion that my husband would show, even if he didn't want to show it. The eyes never lie – if I could say but four words to advise one on how to understand my husband's thoughts, those would be the four I'd choose.

We are not together anymore because of a our misunderstandings. He never trusted me but I did trusted him. A marriage without trust is nothing but a sinking boat. Who wants to remain in that sinking boat?
His smile was the only memory which I cherished and the only thing which makes me go on everyday.
I've loved him and he's the only man in my life. No one can take his place.

Just found it in my draft. So finished editing and add some more to it.Hope you like it.