Prologue
On the other side of the phone line, everything was silent. It made me begin to question why I had bothered to call him in the first place. There were so many things that I wanted to say. So many things that I needed him to know. But he still remained quiet, unsure if he wanted to hear me out.
Finally after a long pause of silence, Kellan spoke, "What do you want from me?" His voice was steady but hushed. The tone of his voice made it seem as though he was holding back tears. It had taken me by surprise how weak he sounded.
My stomach churned and in that moment I felt hesitant to answer his question. But I still gave him a reply, "Nothing that you have to offer."
He says nothing for a few seconds. Then opens his mouth to speak once more, "So what does this mean between us?"
I thought about his question and tried to think of a good response, but my mind went blank. I thought back to a few months ago, it was one of those special days that you wish could last a lifetime.
"Kellan?"
"Yes?"
"If you could choose to relive one day over for the rest of your life, what day would it be?"
"The day that you fell in love with me,"
"Why?"
"So then I could spend every day for the rest of my life making you fall in love with me over and over again,"
I laughed and lightly pressed my lips to his. He pulled me into a hug and whispered 'I love you' into my ear. It was the first time he had ever said those three words to me.
I went to bed that night with a huge smile on my face and my cheeks flushed with red. That day was one of the best days of my life. It was plain and simple. The day was simple, his answer was simple, our love...it was simple. That is the way things should be. That's the way every love should be...simple without all of these complications wearing it down.
"Audrey?" Kellan's voice startled me. I had dazed off and forgotten to answer his question.
"Yes?" I spoke in a quivering voice. Suddenly I felt uneasy. My head was spinning and I felt like I needed to throw up. My mind drifted off to my thoughts from just a few minutes ago. The decisions I was ready to make then, I wasn't so positive about now.
"Are you going to answer my question?" Kellan seemed impatient. But underneath the persistency I could hear the hurt in his voice.
I cleared my throat and sucked in a deep breath, "Yes," I paused and then slowly began to speak, "With you leaving, it's just too much for me to handle," I silenced myself. Tears caught up in my throat and I couldn't speak.
He seemed to understand because he didn't press me for any further answers. He just remained silent for a few seconds, the seconds that felt like hours. But those seconds made a huge difference, I choked back some sobs and opened my mouth to speak but words refused to come out. I was feeling every emotion at once, a billion thoughts came rushing into my mind. In that instant I could feel it, I think he could to. My heart cracked and shattered. I knew it would never fully heal, that I would be eternally scarred. All at once everything I had was taken away from me: my love for Kellan, my fear for him going to the army, my soul, but in return other things began to fill its place: freedom, hope, doors leading to opportunities, the feeling was overwhelming. In that split second I began to cry, tears spilled from my eyes like rain falling from dark storm clouds.
