End The Past

       I'm living in a perspective where each tongue inflicts lies and shallow rumors. I'm striving for the best, not to be discouraged veiled in supportive arms, but I find myself meekly reaching out for its doubtful arms wishing that all could be over, this ache, this bitter agony. His glance, just a near memory that trickles through my system, all emotions rightfully at my fingertips as tears begin to dance down my cheeks, dwindling little spindles of gold flecked tears. Does he understand the pain I'm going through? No a voice persisted in the shallow corners of my dilapidating mind. This tree, reaching in every direction, kissing the sky with its unfurling leaves that grown golden as the new equinox strikes. Our meeting place among seasons now replaced with a tree of less glory, from its limbs swung tattered memories begging for replacement, a new start perhaps as its weighs swung two and fro. In the distant background a silhouette of a young boy with spiked hair and a rich blue sweater joyously twirls with the dancing leaves, the soft mummer of a song that recalled a castaway thought of many years, vibrant colors to each verbatim. Students, all sat in chairs had turned their attention on the group that performed a basic dance, the boy seemed to have his eyes locked on mine as though reciting the lyrics to the one and only. With all his cackling movements I felt oddly resigned, my fingers gently fumbling at the base of what seemed to be half of a clay heart, the other half was hopping on his chest like a fluttering leaf in the wind. A tear rushed down my cheek as my mind recoiled back to reality with what seemed to be a loud clap of thunder that led straight into another tremoring remembrance. Lined floors and glossy bleached walls came into sight, hundreds of trembling bodies packed into a gym scenario. A feeling of fear overcame my body, the constant drum of my heart roared loudly in my ears. Hovered in what seemed like someone's arms struggling to calm my racing thoughts shivering longingly for platonic warmth to my cold hands. I glanced up and saw a chiseled white face with satin red lips and charming blue eyes, his arms delicately wrapped around my back in a shallow seldom of comfort. Suddenly regaining the storms within my own head he gently mumbled words of reassurance. His silky British accent laced every word my worry soon collapsing as a delicate nod of head regained my peace, awaiting on the arrival of my parents. Another tear and pain tore through my heart as though a target for the leading archer, aching abashedly upon the leaf strewn floor in a wither of tears. A heavy though pressed in my mind as a series of memories came like roaring waves, colliding in a tidal wave within the fractions of my skull, causing me to collapse to my knees as i cried pathetically. Doubt, the terrifying doubt rang within my head; 'Why hasn't he acknowledged me?' 'Why do I want him?' I jerked up my head wanting to shout to the heavens of my cowardly being and prejudice nature... was I screaming? My eyes shut against the void that spiraled around me not baring a look to its stare. I wanted to bury the crown of head deep within someone's chest, wrapped among their wiry arms and feel at peace like I long did before, longing didn't help much for a troubled soul. Snap. It all came to balance just as my limbs began curling talons into my head, my eyes carving tears in the form of waterfalls to the inferior darkness, begging for comfort. I awakened to what seemed to be the back of a bus seat, all grey and covered with abandoned carves, the soft fleecy fabrics of what I guessed to be a sweater was under my cheek. Having a little shift upon ones shoulder I looked at the one who it belonged to, the name of him recalled on my tongue as I gazed back into his icy blue eyes, glowering joyfully down upon me, his lips budding into a rosy smile. After laying eyes upon this new face I seemed ever changed. His smile intoxicated my own, beaming with ever so starry eyes that they allowed for delight to his brooding blue. although no words were issued I began to realize how much I was loved by this one individual and how precious my life's meaning was began to flourish. But I still dare to ponder; Does he care? As faded remnants scattered my mind i stirred in protective limbs. A gentle rattle of breath cooed me to the present, in the presence of another. My life is not in the past and my life does not depend on that small boy who i used to know. "Let the past go." A new voice mumbled, a loving tone to my ear. His fingertips preened through a sea of hair as the serine collapse of his chest made me grin vigorously, crossing limb over limb over the cavity of my heart, intertwined in the bed sheets, startled no more by the fascination of long gone pasts that I'd wish I'd leave absent forever.