Wishing it was You -- Shannon Leto Oneshot

Wishing it was You

The amber liquid no longer burned as it went down. Unfortunately, the only things that were becoming number were my taste buds and maybe, a little bit my face, but none of the feelings I was trying to drown. Certainly not the voice in my head that repeated his name over and over like an incantation, an arcane attempt to summon him to me, to make him finally see me, to make him mine.

As I watched him grinding against her on the dance floor, jealousy threatened to bubble over. I think this one's name was Siobhan, she was the third girlfriend I had watched him go through since meeting him, not even mentioning his hookups and near misses. Of course she was fucking perfect, drop dead gorgeous, toned and tanned just enough, dressed exactly on point, not a hair out of place even as she writhed against him. I didn't know her. She probably rescued puppies and orphans every day, pulling them from the debris of collapsed buildings while the wind blew her hair just so and her mascara never ran. I hated her.

I ordered another drink. The bartender gave me a long look. "I'm not driving I promise." She continued to look at me for a minute then poured what was left of the bottle into a fresh glass. 

"Whoever he is he's not worth it," she said as she cleared the empties away. I didn't reply, but I turned my back to the dancers, hoping if I quit staring at him my misery level would drop a notch or two. It did not. I stared into the whiskey and thought about how much it looked like Shannon's eyes when the light hit them. Fuck.

I was so deep in my own private hell I didn't realize the song had ended until I felt a strong pair of arms around my waist. Shannon's scent engulfed me as he swung me around with a laugh. "Why aren't you out there dancing Jelly Bean?" He slipped between me and the bar and took a sniff of my nearly empty glass. "How many of these have you polished off tonight? Am I going to have to pour you into a cab?"

I snatched the glass out of his hand. "You don't have to do anything. I can take care of myself. I'm not your damn kid sister." I knew he was only trying to be his sweet, caring self but something in me had reached a breaking point. I saw the confusion on his face. I wanted to say more but then Siobhan was snuggling him and kissing his cheek and that angry little voice in my head turned into a scream and I couldn't stand there for one more minute. I grabbed my things and headed out of the party.

I had the car stop at the liquor store on the way home so I could buy a bottle of Jim Beam to keep me company on my wallow into self-pity. I had become a pathetic, lovesick mess, a complete cliché. I barely ate or slept anymore, my work was slipping, all I did was daydream about him. Sometimes I thought he felt something too, but he never treated me as anything other than a friend. "So glad I have you Jelly Bean," he would tell me as he wrapped me one of his trademark Shannon bear hugs. Not that being his friend was a bad thing. He was a wonderful guy to have in your corner. I just wished it were enough.

Once inside my apartment, I cranked my favorite brooding playlist, kicked off my heels and headed to the kitchen to grab a glass before deciding to just open the damn bottle. I was about to unzip my dress when the doorbell rang. I figured it was the neighbors about the music. I was stunned to open the door and find Shannon on the other side of the threshold.

"Jelly Bean...."

"Stop calling me that." I was In no mood for his infantilizing nicknames. I didn't need sweet, cuddly Shannon. I needed the Shannon of the wicked grins and dirty jokes. Mischievous Shannon. Shannon who might be willing to take a chance. Not big brother Shannon. I sighed. Abashedly, he started over.

"Juliet. I'm sorry to just barge in on you but you kind of had me worried back there. You've been so off lately." His face filled with concern and something else I couldn't quite read. "Is everything okay with you?"