Who might you be?

How did it all begin?

18 years old, that's how old I am as of writing this. For more than 216 months, I have been set a number of different challenges, whether it has been from a 'higher power', my parents or even myself. I've gone on the journey we have ourselves called life, and made it through 18 gruelling years. Now for some this may seem like nothing, a mere proportion of what is to come, but to me it's not been easy. In fact, it has led me to believe that the next 60/70 years of my life, have not been worth waiting to live at times. It would be worrying for me to just sit here and say I want to die with no context behind it, but I mean even with a little bit of context, some of you may still have no reason to believe my own thought process, and that's okay. The point behind me writing this all up is to help people realise that they're not alone. That with each downfall and defeat life has thrown at us, we are all in the same boat, it's just that some peoples journeys have been rockier than others.

As a child, I don't remember having much of a view on the world as a whole, nor do I remember worrying what the most minor of decisions might do to me in smallest of time frame. What I do remember was waking up at 7-am every morning, without a shadow of a doubt. Whether I had school, it was the weekend, or even 2 weeks into the summer holidays. Between the ages of 6 and 12 I had such a joyous outlook on life and I was one of those children that just loved being outdoors. Now as a child I moved around a lot, and more often than not it meant having to make new friends both in and outside of school. From year 3 upwards, I was doing okay, I wasn't popular or anything in school but I had friends. Outside of school was the same, I had friends I could play football with and I didn't rely on the internet to keep me entertained. I spent my primary school years at a number of different schools, and each time I was always able to just click with whomever I met, boy or girl. Its funny though, because looking back I couldn't give you one defining moment, or even just a small something from those years. Apart from the obvious football games I'd play, or the time my parents took me to Blackpool, I have nothing. So in the grand scheme of things, I don't hate how those years panned out, and I don't wish I'd lived them any differently either...I've just sort of dismissed them. I sort of wish I could dismiss the last 6 years of my life the way I have done with those years, but sadly life is not that simple.

Starting high school things changed, for sure. I was moving up on my own. As it wasn't a high school linked to my primary school, (without moving), I had to yet again introduce myself to a whole new set of people. Living like I had for the past many years, you'd think this was something I'd become accustom to, but no. No where near. Instead, it was something that terrified me greatly, and what more than likely led me to where I am now. The anxiety ridden mess that encapsulates her life into one small bubble of no change.