New You

He no scrub

Selfcare, hygienic grooming, dental maintenance, being forced under a makeup artists tattoo gun dipped in paint eerily close in shade his natural sun drenched olive tone. Now the last one, Trevor refuses with all of his might to proceed through, unwilling to mask the physical reminders of his tortured youth simply because woman, and somewhat humorously, men, don't find such a large quantity of scars and displays of bodily injury all that attractive like the genders used to, not the mention the unsightly, mild satanic and over symbolic inking's littering his skin.

Whenever his friend suggests disguising the sparrow decorating Trevor's neck, the man almost finds himself devolving into one of his famous external volcanos, the human disasters that have recently blown apart Sandy Shores and breezed through the whole of Blaine County before settling to a steady shit storm in the heart of Silicon City, Los Santos. And unsurprisingly, following a brief cool off period consisting of strippers, meth browns and Wade's lacklustre attempt at singing Ri-Ri tracks at the Vanilla Unicorn, the topic is stashed away in a box along with a tube of Tattoo concealer, the less invasive option yet still receives a negative response, or perhaps if we were to touch upon honesty, then violent threats of being sexually violated in unspeakable manners that even have Michael De Santa clenching muscles in the farthest regions of his person.

Gingerly they gather to approach the thought of Trevor swapping his current hairstyle for something a little less grungy and giving the notion he has it trimmed so close to his scalp because the man is just too damn lazy to try keeping it clean for longer than half an hour, to everyone's amazement, Trevor agrees to, eagerly in fact, speaking of the nights he's craved his long flowing mane that once had all the girls in Canada swooning and chasing him down the snowy streets to get their hands on.

And of course, Michael pulls out the puns about them chasing Trevor down so they could braid the long dark locks for him. His joke earns a few chortles before T's ruffled feathers causes him to admit a ferocious growl, stealing the spotlight and seeing everyone hastily making a beeline retreat for the door.

Weeks passing and everything being said and done in regards to his cosmetic appearance, the crew set to work on his fashion sense, each of the criminals praying for a miracle and the result being a respectable looking junkie they can launch into a crowd of desperate singletons hungry for a rugged hillbilly drug dealer carrying a soft spot for elderly women and teacup pugs.

Splitting the task between them, Chef and Michael head to Suburban on the outskirts of Harmony, planning on exaggerating their friend's hipster themed wardrobe while Ron and Wade have a short drive to the discount clothing place off Grand Senora near the other end of the plane hangar, not wanting to push Trevor out of his comfort zone and hoping not to blow too much for the sake of getting their boss out into society while they focus on expanding the lab.

Wade, being the clueless sweetheart he is, plucks the most outrageous, bold printed shirts off of the rack and shouts to Ronald who stands on the far end of the store carefully choosing cameo patterned Khakis, asking him if the boss prefers "C.O.C.K inspector" or "Magnet sucker", earning a lazy brush of the hand as Ron calls the assistant over to go into detail with her about the overly specific width and general thickness of Trevor's waist and thighs, sharing far too much personal information about his lower torso to ensure they find him the correct size instead of buying sweat pants designed for those sporting a XXXL tag which he knows has always served Trevor well the last 6 years he's spent living it up in the desert, however these days, he and the rest of the world feels it's time for a change.

Meanwhile, Michael and Chef hover between the displays of neatly folded items wondering where to fucking start, arguing amongst each other whether or not Trevor should or should not be given suspenders and pants that crop just above the ankle, that they're trying to get him onto the dating scene and not sign him up for Life Invaders attractive nerd program, both subtly admitting they find Trevor appealing and end the heated conversation before either of them can realise they're blushing, Michael burying his flush cheeks in a stack of ironic, skin tight sleeveless sweatshirts and Chef accidentally wondering into the underwear section and groaning loudly when he walks into a shelf of loud, superhero printed briefs.