Consequences

IT WAS ALL HERE

My eyes were focus on the screen of the computer. Thinking about the new request of my  client to their daughter's tenth birthday, when my door suddenly opened.

"He's getting married."

My eyes immediately flew to Rain. Nakasimangot siya kasabay nang paghagis ng isang gold covered envelop sa ibabaw ng table ko.

"And?" I asked her.

"Is that all you'd say?" Kunot noo niyang tanong.

Iniwas ko ang mga mata ko sakanya. Hindi ito ang tamang oras para isipin yan. I have a work to do. I need to focus.

But I know I was just fooling myself. Dammit!

Hindi ako makapag-focus sa sinabi niya. It was like a bomb that threw and exploded in front of me. Trying to get into my nerves, killing me slowly inside. But I have to get a hold on myself.

"Yes."

Hindi ako nagpakita nang kahit anong reaction kay Rain. I preached that I was fine. I have to remain like that.

"Come on Catherine! Your Man is getting married soon and that's all you can say? Instead of getting your ass off right there get him back?"

"I thought his getting married?"  Mapait sa panlasa kong sabi but I remain a straight face. Acting as if it was all fine and good.

All is good.

All is fine.

"Yes!" she said in awful tune. As if telling me I was the foolest in the whole universe.

"Then there's no need for me to do that." I look at her. "Una sa lahat kaibigan niya lang ako, bestfriend. If he want to be with me sana noon pa."

Do I sound bitter on that?

I do not care anyway.

"Everyone thought that you and him were together. Making us expect that he will ask for your hand in marriage soon. Then this?"

"And that's what I thought too." I calmly said and then look at the view outside. "Kung gusto niya talaga ako. Sana noon pa man, Noon pa siya gumawa ng action."

Noon may chance pa. Noong pwede pa. Noong kayang-kaya pa niya. Noong willing pa ako. Noong baliw na baliw pa ako sakanya.

Lumingon ako kay Rain. She sighed. Sa tagal nang panahon na magkasama kami akala ko din sa simbahan ang tuloy namin. Ang pagkakaroon ng walang label ay ayos na, I became so confident on the style and arrangement we have. His not really a man full of words but Im fine with that. I was contented with what we have but then life is not justify by we want. As a human being we have to live with that, I have to live with that.

"But we will go to their wedding."

"For what!?" Nanlalaking matang tanong niya. I giggle at her reaction "Are you trying to kill yourself!?" Sigaw niya.

"No. Gusto ko lang isang sakitan na. Sa harap ko para matanggap ko agad." pagod kong sabi. Hindi ko na alam kung anong pwedeng maramdaman.
If this is all the end, I want it to be very painful para mas madali kong matanggap at mas madali kong makalimutan.

"You were insane." Rain said. I think she thinks I'm really a hopeless case.

Isang sakitan. All for once.

I will feel the pain later on, actually ngayon pa nga lang I am starting to get watery eyelids but I have to get a hold.

I have to be strong. I have to show to the world that everything is fine. I was sport to things likes this. I am mature enough to accept this and make this not a big issue. I am smart to understand the situation.