She could not live happily.
She is nothing... Nothing to everyone else.
She tried everything. Her efforts are still wasted.
She never got her freedom to choose, to decide, to do everything her way.
She was not entrusted for even her own life.
She grew up alone, unwanted, unloved, avoided, unknown, unrecognized, discouraged, hated, rejected, dfferent from everyone else.
She hardly remember the happy memories, they were all gone. Only bad ones remained.. Her 'Wounds'.. are 'Not healed'..
She pretended to be happy in others' eyes.. She hides back the fears and tears so not to disturb the people around her. She knows no one would still be able to understand her condition. Nobody cared anyways.
She kept the secret for 14 years yet she still thinks her life would change.
She longs to have that HAPPINESS.. A life she has always wanted. That life... is now.... a long lost HOPE in her long lost DREAMS.
She had a happy life in her childhood, yes. But it wasn't good enough. There was pain... much was still aching in her heart.
She thought everything would turn out fine later on.. She believed it too soon... And too soon, that her life turned worse the following years.
She, was not the girl whom you knew was STRONG, CHEERFUL, and LUCKY.. It's the exact opposite.
She does not think she's beautiful inside and out.. In fact, she never was. Outside, she's all tears at night making her face grow dim. Inside, she's all sorrow all day long making her heart turn gray..
She once wished she hadn't lived. She thought her existence was useless. For a girl who was not appreciated even sacrificed her ecstasy.
She cries even more.. Every teardrop symbolizes the pain. Every bit passes on to her cheeks.. just made it down fully to the ground.
She is weak... for you.. But she always tried to be strong. Not wanting everyone to know her weakness.
She sacrifices her time in prayer, praying everyone/EVERYTHING would change. So long had she started doing it. Not a single event happened. Not a second.
She get questioned by people of her loneliness and attitude towards herself.. Her characteristics, the way she really is.... ALONE, OUT OF PLACE, SILENT. She cannot say it, so she lies "I'm fine.." when she's really HURT or "It's nothing." when there really was something.
She gets those questions a lot that would sometimes make her heart ache much worse than before.. Because, the answer is too painful to say. The answer, was something she could never, EVER tell because she was scared.. Scared of remembering the hurtful memories.. That'll make her wish to die.
She says no when everything you ask is something that talks about her situation like "Are you hurt?"/ "You want to be someone else?" "Need any help?" "Want to join us??" ANYTHING! She would've said yes if she was having a perfect life..... A whole life of LIGHT, no DARKNESS...
She had gone through a lot of problems not having solved. Not a person, not even herself fixed it. It was too HEAVY.
After 14 years and now, she's living far away... from when she can recall her most cheerful moments with her family, her friends..
At this current time, at her house, it was raining... All she can ever relate is the cold... The wind, the storm, the RAIN.. It all fit her emotions today and most of the days of her life.
WHO IS SHE?? Try to figure it out.
Yes.. She's the girl writing this.. :')) This was the girl who had longed for a true HAPPY LIFE.. :( Sadly, it was ..... not what I had expected for myself... But if I was to choose my own side of the story before being born.. I would not choose this.. :'( Sure everyone needs to overcome trials and difficulties but... it's too MUCH.. It has to stop. STOP. STOP.
Many of you might have spread rumors about me, threatened me, made fun of me, excluded me for something not matched with my characteristics, or even pick me as one of your so-called "YAYAs"... How 'bout I put you in my situation and let you experience all the hardship I've gone through?? It wasn't easy.. Not unless you'll suicide. Can't any of you even give me a shed of PEACE?? Oh .. right.. I remembered. I didn't tell any of you about my story.. No one knew. I didn't tell anyone because they never listen. Some listens to it but forgets easily. So.. don't judge and point to all of ME because YOU DON'T KNOW ME. You didn't know my LIFE. You didn't know my PAST, my EXPERIENCES, my SORROWS. Not a TRUE thing about me. SO if you're just going to talk to me like i'm some kind of freak, different, dumb, moron, dummy, pea-brain, etc, etc, then get a day wearing my shoes and journey on my life.
Whoever friends I have who are reading this now, please understand me. I'm not who I used to be when I was so young. I grew to be somewhat you didn't expect of. Please don't spread any rumor that could ruin my reputation. Because I can actually hunt those people down.
Love,
Sacy a.k.a Zella40Sacy
