Chapter 11

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I sorted through my feelings... Carefully thinking about what I should do. I felt very horrible inside, I wanted to kill myself right now...this moment. How could I love her?
I get a call from [Y/N] and I answer hesitating. I act like I woke up because of the call. She says she had a weird dream, I don't worry about that at the moment, and I act as if nothing happened. I end the call and I go back to thinking.

I decide to meet her and seriously tell her about my feelings and just end it. So that I won't hurt anymore and hesitate, so that I could kill her. It would be better for us anyways. I call her to meet me at the park tomorrow, of course she doesn't refuse...I feel really bad.

Next day I'm waiting on the swings at the park and I see [Y/N] walking slowly towards me sheepishly. I felt a horrible pang of guilt. I pull on a quick smile and I explain to her.

DH: I've been thinking real hard and I don't think this is right...I've begun to like you which is a very dangerous thing towards you. Let's just stop here and not go farther, because I know you like me.

[Y/N]: What...? I don't understand...why can't we be, why can't we love?

DH: I told you it's dangerous and you'll understand very soon why I can't be with you! I don't want you, [Y/N] I don't want to hurt myself or you. Ask your dad why I would be acting like this...maybe he'll own up to it and tell you why. I'm really sorry...it's hard for me too...you'll understand.

I see her falter, she turns to go. I pull her into a hug. I release unwillingly. She leaves. I break.

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