ignorance & bliss

( monday )

   Just to clarify, Anya IS dead.

    ( monday )

       "why'd you lie to cole?" ian asks, looking at felix over the rim of his coffee cup.

       felix shakes his head, taking a bite of his cake. "i had to."

       "no, you didn't. who was the package really from?" ian insists. he's not on cole's side. he's more felix's friend, anyways, but he never liked being left out of anything.

       "anya's mother," felix sighs deeply, and ian slams his coffee cup down onto the table. grateful he just drank the last of it, so he could make a scene. he was like cole in that way, they were both very dramatic.

       "and you didn't tell him?!" ian hisses.

       "you don't tell us about whatever the hell you go off and do, ian!" felix says furiously.

       "you don't ask," ian shakes his head.

       "we really need to work on being better roommates," felix says seriously, but the smirk he's wearing hints that he doesn't really mind the way they are now.

       "i kill people, just so you know," ian replies, eyeing felix distrustfully.

       "yeah, i figured," felix winces.

       "i'm trying to find my sister," ian continues.

       "yeah, i really don't want to know more than that, because now i can go to prison," felix says.

      ian just grins.

       cole pulls his phone out of his pocket, scrolls down to her contact, and shakes his head, turning off his phone. she's not dead, she's not dead, he's telling himself, over and over.

       he stands up from the couch, and cuts the TV off. he paces the apartment that he shares with felix, and ian, desperately wanting to call someone, anyone, and demand for them to tell him the truth. she is not dead. 

     he pulls the lighter out of his pocket, and looks at it closely. he wants it to be an explanation, he knows she can't be dead, she can't.

     "damned thing," he shouts, throwing the lighter into the kitchen. he hears it hit the ground, and he's close to taking it and burning down the apartment, with him in it. he falls to the couch, running both hands through his hair, and pulling. he's going crazy thinking about her, and what hurts even more is that it's his fault.

      felix finds him on the couch when he gets home, reeking of smoke and alcohol. he's passed out, and felix prays to god he's not dead, too.

     "cole," he says, pushing him onto his back. he doesn't wake up.

     "cole, come on," felix insists, slapping his face.

      it works that time, and cole's eyes open quickly, franticly.

     "an-, oh." cole mutters, looking down at the couch. god, how he wishes he was dead. he just wants to be with her, one more time. he wants to kiss her, and hold her hand. he wants to whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

      "cole, you need to stop, you can't, do this anymore. i can't do this anymore," felix almost yells. he is so angry, so angry that cole can't try to move on, that cole is holding him back, but he's the last thing of anya he's got.

       "you're trying to fucking forget her, like she never even happened! like you never even had feelings for her!" cole shouts back, just as angry.

       "i didn't," felix growls. cole narrows his eyes, another lie.

      "why do you deny everything?! you loved her. you hadn't been in that damn town since high school, then you left. when you heard about anya, though, you went running back," cole argues.

      "i came running back cause your brother made me, cole. he wanted me back in town. he wanted me to do his dirty work for him, just like he made you do. it's his fault you're so messed up," felix replied, walking into the kitchen.

      "and what about you?" cole says.

      "me? i'm fine. thanks, but this," felix picks up the lighter off the ground, "is what's holding you back. you have to move on, cole. she's dead, we're alive."

      "she's not dead!" cole shouts, just as ian walks inside. felix takes a step towards cole, and cole takes a step towards felix.

      "you killed her," felix whispers, and before cole can punch him right in his smug face, ian steps between them.

     "stop, for gods sake, you guys need to get it together. the package was from anya's mother, cole, and felix, if you keep lying to him, you guys will never move on," ian gives them both a look.

     they're both to blame, and both of them are in denial. ian didn't know anya, but he sure as hell can tell that if she did this to these two boys, and messed them up like this, she isn't as good of a person as they think. if she loved either one of them, she would've helped them, and if they loved her, they wouldn't have made it so hard for her to help them.

     if they want to get over anya, they need to stop fighting, and figure out the difference from telling the truth, and telling a lie.