It wasn’t until he was absent did i realise how much i missed the brown-haired boy sitting next to me in english.
How he would turn to me with a playful glare and a smile dancing on his lips when i distracted him and how he laughed when i pulled faces at Mrs.Brown. It wasn’t until the news got around had i felt sick to my stomach. They told us in the morning. I cried in the bathroom during first period.
Second period I sat in the back grabbing my stomach. Everything hurt right now. Heartbreak is truly exhausting. I ignored questions and stared blankly at the whiteboard, thoughts of us racing through my head. I realised how much I cared about him today.
Third period I was angry. At him, at the world, at my friends, and at me. How could i have missed the signs? I spent my time in Science snapping angrily when they tried to speak to me. How could I have let you do this? I realised how much I hated myself for not fixing things today.
Fourth period I was tired. Emotions are over-rated. Maybe if I slept I could dream of him. His green eyes and tanned skin. The way he looked when he was happy, when he was angry, anything to remind myself of him. I realised how much I missed him today.
Fifth period I skipped. I sat underneath the tree we would eat lunch at. I remember the first time we ever talked. My heart skipped beats when he smiled at me. A melancholy smile ghosted against my lips as I closed my eyes remembering when he held me when I was sad. I realised how lonely life was without you today.
Sixth period I almost didn’t go to. It was quiet. Everyone had pity-filled eyes and they were all focused on me. I probably looked like a mess but I didn’t care. Ryan, his best friend, came to me with his jacket in hand. The light green one he had that he would let me borrow when it was cold in here. He would wrap it around me and rub my arms softly to warm me up.
My eyes were filled with tears, worries of smeared makeup long gone since I had cried it off such a long time ago. I grabbed the jacket gently and covered myself with it. It smelled like him. Sobs racked my body and Ryan held me tightly to comfort me. I didn’t dare look at the table we used to sit at together. I already knew he wasn’t there with his worn converse kicked up, but my heart wanted me to believe he would be. I pulled away wiping at my eyes as I sat down. My eyes glued to the floor. I could imagine him now the way he always looked and not the way he looked when they found him. He would be smiling at me with his arms wide open ready to hug me instead of hanging from his ceiling.
Today I realised how much I loved him.
