50 Shades Of Pink

So I'm starting to write again because music isn't fully doing it's job anymore. Lord please forgive me for the sins that I have done I plead for your forgiveness oh god please I have sinned.

I laid there in my bed as the room began to spin I couldn't focus. Too many questions with no answer docked back and forth in my head I have never felt like I have done such a sin in my life. I honestly feel empty. As if something that has been stripped out of my chest leaving me to suffocate before in my own blood. I turned over and my thoughts begin to foggy my mind. I'm Mackenzie and I'm 22 years old. I have a boyfriend named Blake. Blake and I have been on the verge of our relationship for almost 6 months and it is scary. Purely unbearable we are verbally abuse to each other degrading each other's hard work and effort we are toxic. In that same breathe , we are in love with each other. Blake is the first guy I have ever had sex with. The first guy I have tongued down the first male that has actively been in my life for more than 5 years. I have whole heartedly given my life over to Blake as he wish. Giving the depths of my being pushing every moral and negative thought from me. Blake is similar to my air, my water he is a essential. We have been together longer than I can remember being with him is like obtaining life. He is not an accessory but a necessity. A knock at the door pushed the cloud of thoughts to the back of my head. There stood Ian , tall and muscular his body leaned against the door as he smirked at me. I became flustered. " hello Ian," my voice tried to push out confidently but instead sounded weak and shy. " hey Mac," he kissed my lips harshly as he made it passed the door. I dug my nails in his back as the kiss deepened. " I missed you Mac, " he spoke biting down on my lip. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as he bite lightly on the side of my neck causing me to let out moans. " Ian stop , " he tugged on my pants grabbing my butt feeling on me. "Ian please, " I say through moans and he pulls away. " it's Blake again, right " he questioned me and then let out a sigh. His eyes looked concern as if he was pleading for me to leave him. " I love him Ian , " I looked at him directly into the eyes. " why can't you love me , " he questioned. I looked forward knowing that the guilt will destroy me if I look at him. " I'm not ready for love, " I say still looking forward trying to avoid making the awkward tense rise. " I don't understand why you love him Mac. I love you I would never hurt you. I was suppose to be to be your first I stood here waiting for you Mac. " I could tell he was getting upset and anger began to boil he go up. ' Mackenzie , I'm ready when you are . I want something real. "

He got up and walked out of the door. I could he hear his foot steps slowly fading away I fell back into the bed. I have decisions to make.

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Sorry it was short. Tell me what you think.