A Glimpse of the Story

Your tail didn't follow?

Song

Ode to Viceroy- Mac Demarco

Not edited

1801

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I think the worst part about having social anxiety is watching your classmate and their friends hang out, and laugh with each other knowing fully well that you're not like them. The reason being is because you're unable to talk to people without internally freaking out thinking they secretly hate you or don't want you to talk to them.

You start to think that everyone who glances at you is judging every inch of you, from the way you speak to the way you walk. Your brain is constantly telling— no yelling at you to go in panic mode when a small mistake occurs. Somehow i'm able to push back that urge to panic into the dark depths of my mind, though my ability (or lack thereof) to speak to people in groups is still absent, if that makes any sense.

The sun shone down hitting me in the face in waves of heat. My back against the wall as i watched the branches on trees sway with the sudden breezes that would come and go within seconds.

My earphones were in, so no one would come and talk to me, no that anyone would. Let's be real here, i'd be the last person that anyone would talk to on a regular day.

My upper body swayed to the chorus of the song that was currently playing. I'm the calmest i'll ever be in school.

Anxiety pills didn't help me at all. The only thing that came out of them was the side effects. Nausea , headaches, and fatigue are the main contenders fighting to show themselves in my body and mood.

I was sitting in the back of the school, no one went back here, thank god. This was my spot, my safe zone if you will. When classes become too much for me to handle i tell my teachers that i'm going to the bathroom but i reroute and come here.

Overgrown grass, wild colorful flowers, weeds taking over the cracks of the cement, a nice old willow tree, and last but not least a red bench meant for two. Of course it was fenced off from the rest of the world back here but there were no cameras to spy on me, no teachers glaring disapprovingly from a distance, and definitely no people other than myself.

As i stated before, my safe haven.

I had five minutes of lunch left. I didn't want to leave, but i had to in order to not get marked. I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed but i was no idiot either. I knew things on a decent level, had decent grades, but never tried to do more than i had to. I am no overachiever by any means, i'm just here to get my education and get out without hassle.

I think the majority of this school is. There's only a few who know what they're going to do when they get out, they've got dreams, goals, aspirations. They're ambitious, crazily enough, i had those too until i realised that life is all about living for the day we die. Morbid i know.

As i stared into space i hadn't noticed someone come back here.

When i blinked, they were right next to me, sitting on the other seat. I robotically turned my head to see who it was. He was talking, i guess my music wasn't loud enough for him to get the message. But i guess a bit of human interaction wouldn't hurt.

Pulling my earphones i stupidly asked, "what?"

He pulled a box of cigarettes out of his pocket, " i said, you do know that the bell rang two minutes ago." he raised an eyebrow and pulled the cig up to his lips.

"Oh." i made no movement. Do i really care? It's only art class anyway. So no...

He chuckled as he lit it, " just 'oh'? I thought you'd be up and out by now. Considering you're probably an A average student trying to keep your markup." he exhaled.