Overthinking It || j. m. (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

20.

Chapter 20

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I think it's really sad when someone falls in love with someone else, only to find that that person doesn't love them back in the same way. You can't control your emotions, so you're basically just sitting there, loving someone who will never love you back. And then you have to watch that person in love with someone else. And that hurts. That hurts so fucking much.

Maybe I should spend more time philosophizing about myself, rather than the people around me. It was me- the one getting their heart broken- and it always was me. James didn't love me the way I loved him and maybe I was a complete idiot for thinking that there was ever a chance of it. Maybe I should've picked up on the signs, maybe I couldn't have; but it didn't matter now. Now, it was too late. Everything was spiraling down around me in a raging torrent fueled by my crazy flowing tears that still ran down my face uncontrollably.

Taylor finally released me upon passing through the door connecting us to the lonely hallway, and even still she blocked the way back into the main room so that I wouldn't run away from her. Sometimes she actually was smart. I should be running right now, away from Taylor and away from James and just away from everything that's come upon me on this night. Nothing had really gone smoothly from the beginning and seeing those two back there was just the evil cherry placed on top of the cake from hell.

Seeing there wasn't really a way for me to get around her from the inclined strength she has on me, I defeatedly slid down the wall and onto my butt where I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them like a pillow, not even caring that I had a dress on. There wasn't even time for me to really react from before so I just cried, and cried, and cried for what seemed like forever when in reality it was only for maybe twenty seconds. After twenty long, emotional seconds Taylor's annoying voice cut through the air.

While I had my face buried she must've slid down the wall herself, since when I peered up she was no longer standing above me but rather on the floor across from me. In all honesty I could've gotten up and got away from her but at this point it was like I almost wanted to talk to her. Like I almost wanted answers as to why my 'best friend' would do this to me when she clearly knew it would hurt me. Taylor trailed off, sort of chuckling to herself while moving her outstretched feet back and forth, "I'm guessing you're going to want an explanation."

All I did was look at her with a raised eyebrow and a look of obviousness, and she was quick to pick up on my clear response. "Don't expect me to not be harsh on you." Taylor said flatly and brought her knees up to her chest just like I had them. The only problem with that though was that her dress was so much shorter than mine, but at least there was no one else around to notice. As she spoke her tone was questioning, almost a hurtful edge to it but it also had a tone that was mocking. "Have you ever once asked me about my feelings? What I felt?"

"Of course I have! We're friends that's what friends do!" I spat at her, annoyed by her idiotic question.

"No, Zoe you haven't. It's always been about you from the moment we became friends and I just got so sick of it! You can't expect me to not do something like I did when all I was was shit on for all these years."

"Are you kidding? If you think I've shit on you at all, you're highly mistaken! You make everything about you! All the time! And you're just now telling me you've liked him for a while? James has always been mine, not yours."

"Zoe I've liked him probably long before you have. But I could never say anything. Not ever because he was always claimed as yours. He was untouchable. I just finally took the incentive and took my chance to be with him."

"But you're always with random guys? How would you feel something for him and do that?" My voice was cracky as I asked. My tears had stopped, but still my emotions ran high. What Taylor was telling me didn't make sense at all and it was eating me up on the inside just thinking of why she would make this up though. All the years we've spent together suddenly flashed through my mind as I tried to remember specific things.