THOUGHTS | PARK JIMIN [ on hiatus ]

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"Ms. Song, would you mind paying attention in my class instead of looking out of the window?" my Maths teacher, Mr. Mak, said with a glare.

"Yes..." I muttered softly.

Everyone started whispering to each other and giggling as I shifted in my seat, adjusting my short skirt as uniform.
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The bell rang and people started pushing their way through the door as I slowly packed my bag, hoping she's not there. But when I slowly got my way out of the classroom, I saw her, Kim Seoyeon, the school's most popular and adored girl. Nobody dared to go against her.

I was walking along the corridor with my head down, hoping she won't see me.

"Hey, Song Minseo!" she yelled the other side of the corridor. 'Shit'

I started to shake and tremble.

"Hey, Minseo! I'm talking to you!" she yelled once again, causing me to shake harder. I still didn't respond.

She came towards me. I had the urge to run, but it seemed like my feet were glued to the floor. I was stuck. Seoyeon grabbed me by my tie and slammed me to the lockers.

"I'm talking to you. Don't you know how to respond?!" I just stood there, frozen.

I had a lot of things going on in my head, but I just didn't know how to express it. Sometimes, I just wonder what happened to the old me. Yes, it might seem cliché, because it is. There's nothing special about me. I used to be this bubbly, somehow meme like, person whose smile never wipes off. I guess everyone who've gone the same road as me was like that in the past. Now, I had cuts and bruises all over my body. Cuts, was because of me. Bruises, made by my abusive aunt and uncle. It was spread around my body as if they were artists, painting bruises on me. My parents were constantly having business trips in America, so they just bought a house and decided to stay there.

Then, I was awakened from my thoughts, feeling a stinging sensation on my left cheek.

"I was talking to you and all you did was stare at the floor! Forget it, you're just a waste of my time anyway." With that she left me with the lockers.

I fixed my appearance then left, putting my hood up and kept my head low, as I tried to walk swiftly toward the gates. I tried to. But as expected, there were people trying to trip me over, pushing and nudging me, and just as I was about to reach the exit, someone accidentally spilled her juice on me. It was, again, Kim fucking Seoyeon.

When I finally got outside, I took a deep breath of the fresh air, yet I still feel so suffocated. I continued walking in my wet uniform to my house since it was just nearby. I never treated it as my home because I can never feel free there. Instead, I feel trapped and locked away, away from my own self.

When I arrived in my house, I put down my bags in my room and went straight to the bathroom.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, all I saw was this depressed, small girl. I was ugly, with marks all over me. I was the total opposite of Seoyeon. Unconsciously, I saw tears streaming down my face. Then, I was blinded by my silver friend.

"A few more days." I said.

I took the blade in my hands, and started cutting. I was staring at the red substance, oozing out of my wrist. It was coming out like water overflowing out of a glass.

"Just wait a few more days." I said to myself.

And this cycle repeats again.