“It’s killin me…My heart ain't your home…”
(Sweets POV)
Darkness. That’s what I awoke to. No pain, no blood, no yelling, no tears, no noise at all. When I finally could get my eyes to adjust I saw Mommi, Mijo & Janina all sleep in the chairs along the wall of the hospital suite. From what I could tell Chris must have insisted that I be put in the nicest room in the whole hospital. I mean do hospitals have penthouses? I looked around the room and I didn’t see Chris anywhere. Then I remembered: THE BABY. I immediately tried to sit up holding my stomach.
OUCH!
I guess Mommi heard me stirring around and it woke her up.
“Babeh!” She said in her still thick Island accent as she came rushing over to me. “Babeh don’t try to get up…How you feelin?” She asked rubbing the side of my head.
“I’m ok…Ma where is Chris?” I asked with a scratchy voice.
“He had a show to do but he is supposed to be back here in a few hours.” She said pouring me some water.
“Show? We don’t have one for another 3 days.” I said sipping the water slowly.
Eww...
“Yeah I know babeh you have been in and out for the last couple of days…you lost a lot of blood an-“ She said.
“Wha...Wait it’s been 3 days?” I said cutting her off.
“Yes Hunni…You’ve been going in an out.” She said rubbing my hand.
My mind started racing to the baby…WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR BABY? I screamed in my head.
“Ma…What…Happened to my baby…” I asked closing my eyes because I was scared to know the answer.
“Hunni…You…You had a miscarriage…The baby is gone.” Mommi said with her voice shaking.
“No NO NOOOOOOOOO!” I yelled out as I began to cry loudly and it woke Janina and Mijo up so they ran over.
“NO DON’T TELL ME THAT! THAT WAS OUR BABY…WE’RE A FAMILY…NOOOOO!” I screamed and pulled the IV out my arm and Mijo grabbed me.
“Shhhh….Chill out….Chill out.” Mijo said in the calmest and soothing voice I’d ever heard.
“NO MIJO WHERE IS CHRIS? HE HATES ME I KNOW HE DOES…I KILLED OUR BABY!” I continued to scream and cry. “I NEED HIM….WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS CHRIS?” I cried out trying to fight Mijo off of me.
That’s when my door opened and the nurses rushed in.
“What is going?” The head nurse said.
“She is very upset right now.” Mommi said.
“I WANT CHRIS! NOOO! LET ME GO MIJO!” I said still trying to get him off my arms where he was pinning me down.
“LOOK YOU NEED TO CHILL…YOU CAN’T GET UP!” Mijo said with a look of concern.
“GET ME CHRIS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!” I yelled.
“Ms. Guerra you're going to have to calm down or we will have to sedate you!” The head nurse said motioning to the other nurse.
“Please she is just upset…Do you have to do that?” Mommi spoke up.
“Ye-“ The nurse started to say.
“GET AWAY FROM ME YOU BITCH” I said kicking at her.
“Oh my…Hold her legs!” She said going to get the needle off the tray.
I didn’t even care anymore. Chris was gone. My Baby was gone.
OUR BABY WAS GONE!
Then all was dark again. No pain, No yelling, No heartache, No Baby, No Chris and No noise at all. How Could he leave me…
After what only felt like a few hours I awoke to talking and laughing and a familiar figure sitting in the corner quietly which I found odd.
I finally rubbed my head because it felt like I had got hit by a car and I think my eyes were still puffy as well. GREAT I LOOK LIKE SHIT! Before I could adjust my eyes the figure came walking over to me and the talking stopped.
CHRIS!
I didn’t want to look him in the eyes. I mean it’s because of me we lost our baby. I couldn’t even get that right...The most natural thing to do as a woman and I fucked it up. I just closed my eyes and reached out for him. Feeling his arms wrap around me. Smelling his scent and hearing his heartbeat was exactly what my heart needed so I began to sob hard into his chest.
“Aye could ya’ll leave for a minute.” I heard him finally speak.
“We’ll be right outside.” I heard Mama J say.
When they left the room Chris climbed in the bed and held me. All I could do was cry into his chest.
“Do you hate me?” I barely could get out.
“Hate you? Baby why would I hate you?” He asked sweetly.
“Because this is my fault…” I said trailing off.
“How is this your fault? The doctor said it happens sometimes so there wasn’t nothing either one of us could do.” He said reassuring me. “So nah I don’t hate you.”
“She would've been so beautiful…” I said wiping my eyes.
“Just like her Mama.” He said kissing my forehead. “I had a name for her and everything...” I heard his voice shake. “Yeah..Cheyanne Joyce Brown..”
That’s when I noticed he was wiping his eyes and my heart sank.
“She was gonna be fresh too…Rockin her little J’s and baby fitted…Then I was gonna teach her how to hoop on niggas…Yeah she was gonna be my mini me..” He half laughed trying to lighten my mood.
“I bet.” I said finally smiling.
“You know it…She was gonna be fly like me!” He said popping his shirt.
“Uh like me you mean because baggy jeans and a big tee is not fly!” I said playfully crossing my arms.
“Hey now don’t hate…I got dressin skills...What you talkin bout?” He said tickling my side.
“Yeah ok if you say so.” I said laughing.
“Pssh…See you always being a hater.” He said play pouting.
“Aww…I'm just playing. My baby is fly." I said kissing his cheek.
“I know!” He said flashing his dimples.
“You’re a mess.” I said pushing him a little with my shoulder.
“Man this shit is crazy tho...” He said sighing and rubbing his head.
“Yeah...” I said feeling empty again.
“Momma and Tina were so pissed at me.” He said clenching his jaw.
GREAT!
“I bet Mean-a can’t wait to ship me off now.” I said rolling my eyes and playing with my fingers.
“Pssh…Like hell she is!” He fired. “You don't even worry bout all that tho…I got it...You need to rest.” He insisted.
“Thank you…You know for everything.” I said finally looking him in the eyes.
“You ain't gotta thank me for nothin I told you I would always take care of you…No matter what.” He said brushing back my wild curls.
“Oh my God…I probably look like shit.” I said looking away shyly.
“Nah you could never.” He said lifting my chin. “You know I love you right?”
“Yeah…I love you too.” I said trying to fight the tears that were stinging my eyes.
“Everything's gonna be ok.” He said leaning in and kissing me softly.
But I still felt hollow…
YOU ARE READING
Shine For Me (Official Chreets Series)
FanficPART 1: Chris and Helena (Nicknamed Sweets by Chris) met on a basketball court in Harlem in August of '03. Sweets and Chris became friends after not being able to stand each other but were persuaded by their mutual friend TJ, to give each other a ch...
