The lass

Surrender to the sea

Fire. She had fire in her eyes, they said. That's what she would like to believe. It wasn't entirely true. She sure wished and desired for a life of happiness and absolute beauty. However, she didn't work for it, not enough to get her what she wanted. That's what had happened. She was one of the masses who are called procrastinators and unlike a lot of them she wasn't proud of who she was. Her doubt superseded her resolute. The very resolute that helped her survive the eight years of emotional roller coaster rides. She was used to the taste of determination. But often was consumed by the want for perfection and the pessimism that inhabited her thoughts and  shaped her self-doubt and 'procrastination'. She was reminded of this hamartia of hers today. They told her who she was and she just responded with a nod, not even looking at them in the eye. This shame stemmed from how very true this fact was. It made her dreams meaningless. She wasn't working. She was aware, This was about time she realised it. It was easier to blame everybody else but she was an honest soul. Yes, life was hard, sure. But it wasn't unamendable. She recognised the kind of illusion she was choosing to live in. She finally saw how damaging it actually was. She wanted a happy life. A quiet life. A life where she didn't have the need to constantly keep changing her intangible self to qualify as a daughter. That's what she had been doing for all these years: change for them. She was tired and it was not exactly the admirable kind of tiredness. She got so tired that she almost gave up on her dreams. He passion would come and go, in bouts and splashes. She wasn't happy and she felt helpless. She wanted to make others happy. Which did happen to be a consequence of her constant efforts and silenced rebellions. But evidently enough, it was as temporary as the freedom she was bestowed on being left alone at home after school. She was a troubled entity. Now, her parents would argue that she was the real troubled and she would not hesitate even for a second before nodding and obliging to their beliefs. That's just how she turned out to be. And she hated herself for it. Her flame died as she embraced the waves once again. She was too accustomed to this tinge of sharp pain when her flames were drenched in the water of the seemingly endless sea. She called it home and died every single day trying to become a part of it.