Cold Days Without You

***

I just came back from shopping. I opened the door and scream, "I'm back, Lou!", like what I do every time I come home.  "Yeah... Hi.", he responds weakly. I rush to him, who was on the staircase, holding three huge suitcases.

"What's going on?", I ask him. "I don't know how to say this, Haz...", he starts. It would've been a stupid thing to do, but I grinned cheekily and answered. "Well, you just say it, Lou." "The thing is... Haz, I'm leaving."

I felt my stomach dropped all the way down, but I ignored it and laughed, thinking it was a joke. "What? You can't do that. What about the band, us? You're just joking, aren't you? Well, buddy, you can't trick me that easily."

He walks towards me and puts his arms around my neck. "I'll miss you, Haz." I push him away from me and seriously tells him, "This isn't even funny anymore, Boo." He smiles sadly, and there are a few drops of tears escaping his blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Harry. I really am. But I already talked to Uncle Si, and he gave me permission to leave the band. I hate to do this, but I feel like I need to.", he explains weakly.

"Then don't. Don't leave." "I have to. I'm really sorry." He gathers his suitcases and heads to the the door. I follow him, pleading desperately not to go. But he just ignores me. When he reaches the front door, he looks at me for the last time. I just stand there, shocked that I can't think clearly of what to do.

But I clearly heard what he said last, the one word that I wish he didn't say.

"Goodbye."

***

"Louis?", I yell. I just woke up, and I can't seem to find him. "Louis?", I yell again. Silence. I go to his room and opened the door. The room was clean, in fact it was really clean, that none of Louis' things are in it. "Boo...", I manage to whisper, talking to no one.

A hand touched me on the shoulder. Thinking it was Louis playing a joke on me, I spun around quickly, expecting it was him. But instead, Liam's sad face greeted me. "Sorry, Harry. But you know he moved out two days ago.", he says softly. I shook my head, "No. You're wrong." "Harry, just accept it, please." I shook my head again, refusing to believe it. "No! He did not leave me! My boo will never do that to me!", I shout at him. But looking at his apologetic face, I know it is true. I even saw him leave myself. "Why would he do that to me, Liam? Why?", I whisper. I don't have enough energy to shout or yell, or even argue anymore. "Why?", I whisper again, this time, addressing no one. I kneel in front down of Liam. He kneels too, trying to comfort me. "We don't know, Haz. We all don't know why." My lips began to shake, and tears build up quickly. I try to hold it in, but it falls fast. I try to suck it in and not make any noise, so I won't look weak, but it hurts too much to hold it in, so I let out a yelp, and a cry, then comes the loss of breath. And it seems dumb that I can't breath anymore. It's just a mess. 

Liam guides me back to my bed. I lie down, and stare at the white ceiling. "You need to rest.", he says. "No, I need to find him.", trying to get up. But my head hurts a lot, so I lie back down again. "Rest.", he instructs. "I don't want to.", I whine, like a child. "You know, Louis won't like it if you're like this." I know it's true, so I just agree.

"Fine.", I say. I close my eyes, and let sleep take over me again.

***

Waking up is painful. The first thing that came into my mind when I woke up is to greet Louis, but then I remembered that he left. I feel tears building up again, but to my surprise, it didn't fall. I really want to cry, but it feels like there's no more enough water inside my body to cry. I feel numb, except that, it might be crazy, but I can sense my heart crying, then breaking into pieces. My fragile heart that was stepped on by Louis, and left it broken. That I know no one can't heal.