My Angel-Yogscast fanfiction

Chapter 28: Assure

Mia's POV
Araquiel and I sit together in my room. Fear and anxiety grips our heart, it's so strong that we won't even talk about it. The simply idea of discussing what awaits us in the Nether makes my stomach churn. However, having someone else with you who understands your fear does help slightly. I've only ever been to the Nether once and that was enough to put me off for life. It hurts to watch the souls of other angels being permanently tortured, it's tangible. For a while, I couldn't distinguish if the sobbing and screaming was from the ghasts... or the soul sand.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that we can convince them to sign a treaty?" Araquiel sighs, staring out the window down to Lewis.
"It's too late for that now, Araquiel, I'm sorry." I deny, my head hanging low. "I think, what ever happens here is inevitable. The consequences of these events are certain and have been from the start, all we can hope is that some good will become of this." Araquiel is silent for quite some time,
"I've never experienced something like this before. I always thought being a Guardian would be easy." She admits, removing a tiny tear from her face. "But I suppose you are right: I can already see the positive effects our presence has had."
"Like what?" I sigh, so much of this has been anger and fighting that it can be hard to recall the good things we've done.
"You've changed." She smiles, "When we first met, you'd curse all of the negative things and refuse to see the silver lining. You wouldn't even let people touch you because you didn't want to be abandoned." I look up to her for a moment, considering her comments, "What you just said: that's always been true. There's always positive things but you would only dwell on the pain."
"I..." I have no have to respond to her comments,
"Good things came from what happened to Maria; angels and humans can fall in love and be together now. So many people in the Aether think you're a hero, a radical hero...but still. In a way, seeing what happened after that, gives me hope for how this will all end." She smiles slightly,
"I really hate it when you're right." I complain, rolling onto my bed,

"Which reminds me: I have something for you but I didn't want to give it to you until I was sure you could handle it." She says, I hear the tap of something on my bedside table, "I'll see you later." I hear her walk away and the door click close. I still find it strange to talk about Maria, I never really had someone who would understand. I always thought of her, she was always in my dreams but I never spoke a word. A soft touch of lips touch my cheek. Martyn smiles down at me as he runs his fingers through my hair.

"Whats this?" He asks, glancing at the gift from Araquiel. I turn to my other side to see the present: a photograph of Maria, Jonah, Lily and I. My heart melts for a moment, Maria's sparkling eyes looking out at me.
"It's... Araquiel gave it to me." I mutter, fixated on the image of the woman I haven't seen in hundreds of years,
"Is this Maria?" He asks softly, the way you would talk to a kitten at the vet. Unable to usher out any more words, I nod. "So this is who I'm competing against." Martyn jokes,
"It's not much of a competition, the dead aren't very good kissers." I joke, trying to make light of the pain,
"She really was beautiful." I attempt to fight back the tears swelling in my eyes,
"And kind, and funny and perfect." I sigh, "sorry."
"Come here." Martyn pulls me up and hugs me.
"I miss them so much... it's all my fault." I cry clutching Martyn's shirt,
"I know, baby, I know. But it's all okay now, I'm here, you're safe now." He comforts. He words strike a chord with me: 'I'm here'. He is. That's all that matters, I need to stop letting my past interfere with my present. "You gave Maria the one thing she wanted, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I... I guess.. your right." I choke out between tears,
"Do you still love her?" He asks. I pause for a moment,
"No...Honestly, I think I'm just afraid of being hurt again and use her as an excuse." I admit, fumbling with my fingers,
"I think you're just looking for a reason to hate yourself." Martyn theorises. "Which you shouldn't do, Carys. And I'm not calling you Mia right now because you don't need that. You need to stop hurting yourself this way, you know that none of that was your fault, but you still beat yourself up about it. And... you deserve so much more than misery. I want you to love yourself, to see yourself the way I do: a beautiful, smart girl that really does care. You have a shining personality and way of speaking to people and you need to use it!" Martyn holds my face in his hand, staring into my eyes, not in a romantic way, more like he is pleading for me to heed his words.
"Martyn..." I begin but he stops me within a breath,
"You really are amazing, and Maria did care about you and she would have been grateful. So, here what I want you to do: every day, think of something positive about yourself and then I want you to come and tell me about it." He instructs
"Okay." Is all I can utter. For the time being, I place the picture in a chest. Martyn takes my hand and I allow my head to fall onto his shoulder. The silence of the room and the knowledge of what's to come is slightly less daunting with Martyn here beside me.