Memory Lane

Hollaaaaa dear readers! It's been awhile I am not updating my wattpad aite? Thanks to whom, ho are always waiting for my updates. So what's new? Uuummm I hope you guys are doing fine and have a good day J

Okay just make it short. I would like to come out with a cliché topic but definitely will give a very big impact to our life actually. Sounds good aite? Can you already guess the topic? Can you?

So the topic is about " THE EX's" who are being with us and have a memories with us before. Those who are experienced relationship before will also got this kind of title or what we can called as our pass thingy ? wtvr you want it to be. So, not all the pass is the worst right and not all the past would be nice tho? Each of us will face a different situation and it is actually depends on how you end up yr relationship. So mine was the hardest I guess. Mine was the worst but nice at the same time. Why?

THE STORY BEGIN ------

I was struggling for 1 years to know him and meet him on 2015 if I am not mistaken. It was on my second semesters at my university. Freshie lagi la that time. We are definitely are stranger plus he is my senior for a few months and older than me but we are still in the same batch. So..... The story begins when I saw him during our study trip to kuantan, Pahang. His group members are well known but not him. He's such a very humble and shy guy. Actually he has a bad in self confident la senang cerita. So since the trip I saw and recognize him. But it just a unplanned meet up actually. After the trip, I nekad to getting know him better and I just don't know why. I stalked him bcs I just wanted to know him better and checked in case I kacau or crush at someone punya boyf kan ? uuhhh just a big NO ! But, he single! So, I try dekat with him by helps him in studies. Ouh btw. I also dunnow why tapi masa I saw him I felt so kesian and felt he need someone to guide him in studies. I'm not saying I'm good tapi that feeling just appear. So, I lagi la besungguh and rasa I need to know him more closer. From there, I was getting closed to him just for study things. All the conversation and stuff is all bout study and no bual kosong since my first tend is to help him in studies. Takda nak fliert ke apa bcs tbh I memang tak pandai since I tak pernah in relationship before, Boring kan I? 24/7 talked bout study je hahahahahaha.

After a year of knowing and helps him in studies and stuff we are getting more closer and yea each of us give a hint that we are crush at each other. But I think I je kot yang melebih fefeeling crush. He just anggap I like his classmate and assignment mate je kot. Idk till now. Even he said that he crush at me. After 1 year and its 2016 ! We are in a good relationship but idk either it can be known as relay or tak since he never confess pun. We just confess to each other as a crush not as a gf or either boyf. So I tak rasa I in relationship with him. It just like teman mesra je. Which is the person yang you selesa untuk share story and blablabla. Crush and life partner tak sama okay. IT WONT BE THE SAME. Hahahahhaaha. Kan cakap I struggle sebab almost 1 year I taktau nak cakap either I ada boyf ke tak. I takut untuk showing up bcs I rasa I je menyungguh or I takut dia malu. I rasa I tak layak for him kot, he's too perfect to be compared with me. Idk bcs he never tell me bout that.

After struggling for 2 years and our happiness just gone like that within 1 day. YES 1 DAY RUINED MY 2 YEARS OF HARDSHIP. SELAMA NI STRUGGLE FOR 2 YEARS TU CAM BERKECAI PAMMMMM CENTU JE. Sakit, terluka, kecewa tu semua ada. Tipu la kita perempuan tak rasa ? Even lelaki pun sama since we are a human being douh. Selagi anam manjusia memang kita aka nada hati dan perasaan. Happy and also sedih. Perasaan manusia memang mudah tersentuh dengan apa je yang berlaku around us. Pengakhiran 2016 sangatla worst ! dahla my final year time tu and the moment that I never expected already happen pun. Memang tak expect la kan ? If we expect earlier dah lama elak takpun cuba jauh from all the negativity and sadness that would affect us in future and our future tho kan ? But we just only a human yang so lemah.

I go through hardest time. I've been left without a tie. It's so hurt me till now whenever I teringat. But the situation also make me become more stronger actually. I got a mix feelings there. For a few months I dibiarkan bergantung tak bertali.ewah macam lagu haqiem rusli lak. But it is actually happen. I sabr but yea we just a normal person and at one point I tak kuat and giving up. I know, my relay would be end up so tragically. AND IT IS REALLY HAPPEN. I redha even I takleh terima at first since this is my first time. YES MY FIRST TIME. I NEVER BE IN RELATIONSHIP IN MY 19 YEARS OF LIFE. AT AGE 20 YEARS OLD BARU MELALUI BUT I FAILED !! siapa je taknak bahagia ? siapa je boleh terima break off ? tell me siapa ? those yang tak letak effort banyak mungkin cam ? alaaa lekk aaa boleh cari lain" kan ? I face hardest time and banyak benda happen to me and my fams tho. Actually it affect the whole people in yrlife without we knowing.

Alhamdulillah, lelama I recover and boleh terima. Sebab I pegang and will ingat satu benda that he said to meyhrough his last text "my feelings towads you has faded" you faham kan my feelings time tu ? The one who always said "I love you" and suddenly come out with that word ? YA ALLAH, I memang give up terus time tu. I rasa macam selama ni I je syok sendiri. But, Alhamdulillah lelama I recover myself by getting closer to our creator ALLAH S.W.T. . I mula redha dengan semua yang happen in 2016. I sakit and stuff. I just take it as penghapus dosa lalu i. sebab sayang or cintakan seseorang itu tidak akan kekal sebab one day it will faded just like that. Cinta pada ALLAH itu yang KEKAL. Cinta jugak tak semestinya memiliki. Mungkin memiliki tapi tak selamnya . kan ? We will end up with break off.

I percaya pada jodoh and perancangan ALLAH S.W.T. . Dia sebaik baik perancang. Maybe sebab I selalu doa 'if he's not the one I redha and jauhkan dia' so it's happen! If dia jodoh I sekali pun, maybe now not the right time. Dengan siapa pun kita lepasni if he/she the one then it would be them jugak at last. Takda apa yang lagi bahagia bila tengok the person we loved before happy at other person side. To me, kalau tu yang buat dia happy then I am happy to. At the moment, I still phobia and got trust issue at guys or sesiapa jela. Since I go through a lot of things and not just in a relationship. In friendship also. I also promised to myself "there is not one before and after him . Idk until when I akan stick with this words/ Actually, it's not about I takleh move on tau don't get me wrong. But for now my heart tutup serapatnya. Idgaf for any relationship for a moment. Almost a year and I still pegang the words. Bukan senang nak forgive kan? I can forget but for now I NEVER FORGIVE yet. I tak dendam but I need time and space. By seeing he's happy dah cukup untuk I .To me ur ex's also thought us what life is all bout and that's why we have to thanks them . If he reads this maybe masa tu I dah takda kot.Bcs no one knew my wattpad acc. So by the time they read my story, I already passed away or already leave Malaysia. But yea I would like to say this "thanks sebab terima I before even till now I don't know you terima sebab simpati or terhutang budi or dengan rela hati. Thanks sebab bagi I experience what relationship is all bout. Thanks sebab help and support me in studies. No matter how hurt you buat I, all yr kindness I ingat every single tiny things, thanks to ur kind fams especially yr mom. Thanks for every single things that ypu have done before". And for now on ------ "you were always a boy to me. You are still a boy to me and from this moment my first crush. But, let's not say hi when we run into each other. Let's not stay in touch even if time passes by... let's not look back and talk bout it as we're nostalgic bout the past" that is one of my fav line in Korean drama that I do loves it and express my feelings to words him ! Thanks and thanks/! Hoping that you always happy with yr new life and may ALLAH ease everything J goodbye all memories and just act like we don't know each other and never know each of us! BELIEVE IN JODOH. ALLAH PLANS ARE MORE SWEETER AND BEAUTIFUL :)