Jasmin

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The first week of classes goes by fast. I don't see Marcus very often, only glimpses in the hallways. I guess Josh and Eric are not really that close as I never really see them together. Yet I keep thinking about Marcus a lot after having lunch with him that first day. I hear his voice when I am alone. I think about who he may be.

Sally is just ecstatic that Justin took the hints and is spending tons of time with him. This makes her calm down about classes pretty quickly as she realizes that Justin is in her Calm/Strategies class as well as our French class last block. They officially started dating Saturday at a party at Erica's house. I had gone to the party and enjoyed the snacks, not really being interested in the dancing and alcohol. Sally calls me a party pooper. Don't get me wrong I have tried alcohol before, I just don't like how it makes me feel, and really it tastes disgusting. Once I drank something and it reminding me of when I was younger. I quit drinking after that completely. I still get invited through Sally to a few parties, and do try to go sometimes. Sally was upset when I didn't do anything with her for my 'birthday' the last weekend before school and so this became our compromise. She even brought me a cupcake and made a big fuss about singing 'Happy Birthday' when everyone was drunk. I think it was the best rendition of the song I have ever heard.

Gretta is doing really well and her daughter is pleased with how she bounced back after her spell with pneumonia last spring, but now she had left some pamphlets for senior living apartments around the house. I know Gretta wants to live in her house, all her memories of her family and her husband Roddric, but she also knows its a loosing battle. The only reason she is ok now is that I check on her a few times a week at least and help around so much. She is really slowing down. I saw the pamphlets in the garbage when I took them out this week. We haven't talked about them yet.

I still sleep at my site regularly to stay out of Grettas way, she loves her independence and I don't know if she thinks she would be ok without me around. I feel guilty for how much she does for me, and I push those feelings on her sometimes too. I still love doing lots with the garden and shopping for her. I help her with sometimes supper and do the dishes when I stay. I know she can't live alone full time anymore, and Pat doesn't know I am here to help. Gretta does less and less each year. Her granddaughter is looking after her really well and every time Pat comes, I know she worries more and more, especially as we cant tell her that Gretta does has help, she does have me.

With being in Senior High now most of my worries about schooling have disappeared. There are less phone calls and notes to be signed. My time with Gretta is coming to a close. I know I should be sad or something, yet she is Aunt Gretta though, not a mother. She never pushed to parent me, she gave me what I needed and let me be free. I do love her for that but connections to people are painful. I will always remember what we had and everything, but connections change, that is ok. All things change, I know now that I am strong enough to adapt. Until she decides to leave to a more secure place I will stay with her, look after this wonderful caring lady who has taught me so much. I will miss her in my own way, but will not mourn her or the loss of a warm bed. I can look after myself now.

Tonight, I stay at Grettas and we will make homemade lasagna, and we will talk. Let her know I understand that things change. I can not hold her back and she knows Pat is stressed about how she is all alone. All the changes that happen as someone grows older, they are not something to be upset about, she had a great life before. This will not change who she is. Gretta was the one that taught me about accepting changes. Talking about the seniors housing, I see that she really is thinking of it. I will not stand in her way.

I remember how just last winter she finally asked me how old I really was. I saw the relief in her when she found out I wasn't just a little 14 year old. She had seen me coming out of the bathroom a few weeks before dressed as Roxy and I fibbed a bit and said 17 when I really had just turned 16, the school thought I was just past 14. The age thing was getting to me as Roxy was 18 and turning 19 in a few months. I try to balance all the ages and it was actually then that I started to find ways to simplify my lies. I already tried not to lie to Sally, and it was soon after I made my plan to drop Roxy and find what I needed to get a job as Jasmin.