my fingers fiddled with the pen between my fingers which no longer played pretty notes along your body. the low pitched roar of the fan echoed through my head as memories of you played in my thoughts and my senses.
your once in a life time laugh and the way you sometimes squint your eyes when you smile, the way your eyelashes fluttered open every morning whilst you lay beside me tangled in the sheets that held our passion, dreams, and fatigue.
the tiles along the floor were now cold like the fire that burned out in our hearts, the door to the bathroom screamed like the tears i cried the night you walked out on me, and the water in the tub now enclosed me like your love once did.
droplets leaked from the tubs faucet and rippled small reoccurring waves, tapping at my patience like water torture.
i guess i wasn't enough to make you stay but it was my fault who let your trust fray. my intoxicated tears mixed with my fears and so i drowned myself in hopes that somehow, just somehow i could rid myself of the weeds you planted within me.
my hair drifted in the currents while my fingers started to prune and the oxygen in my lungs began to leave. i found peace in agony but once again you broke down my walls and drug me out of the mud. through the rippled water i saw your brown eyes, the ones whom melted into golden rays circling an eclipse in the sunlight in which the color 'brown' no longer describes them.
i reached for you,
i wanted so badly to feel the warmth of your skin,
the fast pace of your heart,
and the soft fabric of that ugly sweater you always wore that i secretly hated,
i wanted to feel you.
but you weren't there, it was just a cold and dark shadow of a hallucination.
the burning sensation announced itself once again in my throat; lack of oxygen.
i dreamt of you again last night, i dreamt about your eyes and the golden embers within them but tonight; tonight was the night those dreams stopped along with my heartbeat.
