Know No Better

Chapter 1

There's nothing more torturous than knowing you can't have someone you truly love.

Those were the words that I dreaded but have somehow accepted.  I didn't expect it to be this way, I thought that this was just a phase that I would go through and time would eventually come for it to stop. But it never stopped. Yes it was normal for a girl to find a man as handsome as he is to be attractive but my case is way different than that. You see, I've developed feelings for someone I can't truly be with. How would you deal with such feelings in a complicated situation? I don't think that I'll ever know the answer to that question. My world was crippled when I realized that what I wanted would never be possible. Today is his birthday. I'll be seeing him tonight at his party.

It was past 9 in the evening when I arrived at his house. My heart was beating rapidly and I was sweating profusely when he opened the door and greeted me.

"Hey, happy birthday!" I greeted him and hugged him. I could feel my body go numb just by the touch of his skin. He greeted me with a warm smile and kissed me on the cheek. The kiss on the cheek is normal in our country whenever you are meeting your relatives but for some reason it felt way to good for my liking. The way his eyes light up whenever he smiles just takes my breath away.

"Come in. Everyones in back preparing the drinks. What would you like to have? Coke or iced tea?"

"Water would be nice."

"Just water? But its my birthday. How about we both get real drinks?" This he said with a wink

"But I don't drink."

"oh come on Soph. Let's make your first time drinking beer memorable."

"You'll have to ask my parents."

"Way ahead of you. They said yes but only on one condition, you'll have to sleep here. I can't let you drive home all by yourself intoxicated."

Sleep with him? In his house? Oh no. Why can't my parents just pick me up? Oh right they can't because they're on vacation in Hawaii.

"Fine. But, you have to be near me at all times. I don't want to make a fool out of myself."

"Of course. We can't let those guys notice that a pretty girl here has no date."

Its not my fault that some guys are just promiscuous that's why I didn't want to bring a date.

*16 bottles of beer later

"Oh my god I cant stop laughing, Matt."

"We should all get some rest now. It's 5:35 am."

"Where'd the others go?" I asked after I noticed that we were the only ones left drinking

"They probably went home or maybe they passed out on the yard." And now he's the one that wouldn't stop laughing. I guess he's more drunk than I am.

"I'm sleepy already. Where can I stay?"

"You can stay in my room. You take the bed, I'll take the floor."

"I wouldn't mind sleeping on the floor. You can sleep on your bed."

"Nonsense. I would never let you do that."

"Well in that case, how about you sleep on the bed too? We can just put a pillow in between us. And besides it's your birthday, I don't want the birthday boy to sleep on the floor." I said a bit playful

"It really doesn't matter where I sleep just as long as you're comfortable but if that's what you want then okay."

I went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Its a good thing that I always carry my portable toiletries. I went out the bathroom and went to his room to find him only in his boxers. Oh my goodness! I covered my eyes immediately.

"I'm sorry I didn't know that you were changing."

"Sorry about that. I always forget to lock the door whenever I'm changing. You can open your eyes now. I'm wearing my clothes already."

I open my eyes to see a blushing Matthew standing across the room.

"You can take the left side of the bed." He says

I laid on the bed feeling tired. I closed my eyes a bit but was woken up again by the feeling of the bed dipping as he laid down beside me.

"Good night, Matt"

"Good night, Soph"

He turned off the bedside lamp.

I closed my eyes trying so hard to fall asleep. Yes I was tired but being this close to him made me feel all kinds of stuff that just wouldn't let me rest. I was anxious that he might hear me say things in my sleep. I turned around to check if he was sleeping, he eyes were shut and he was already snoring lightly.

I stared at him carefully noticing every little detail there is to his face. I adore him so much. But realization struck me again. And this time I started sobbing silently. I could never have him in my life.

I didn't feel intoxicated because of the alcohol. I felt intoxicated because of him. I was high on him.

I closed my eyes and drifted on to deep sleep.