Give me Hope

I walked through the school gates and my heart sank to my toes. The thought of sitting in class just made me want to cry. I tried to make myself blend in as much as possible, I wore black skinny jeans, a purple hoodie and some worn out converse. I didn't make an effort with my hair it was long and brown but dull and lifeless so I just scraped it back into a high pony.

I pulled my ipod out of my pocket and stuck both buds in my ears and ACDC'S thunderstruck came blasting through. I smiled at the sound.

As I walked through the corridors all the chatter of bitchy teenage boys and girls was blocked out by rock music. I was stopped in my tracks by my only friend, Sam stood in front of me,

"Hello beautiful" He said through a smile.

He was much taller than me and my head only just reached his chest, he was easy on the eye with hazel green eyes and brown hair that just reached below his ears. We are the same age, both 16 and we've known each other since we were 3 years old and he means the absolute world to me.

"Sam!" I wrapped him in a tight hug and he squeezed me tight, lifting me of my feet.

"Your getting thinner" He said as he put me down his eyes filled with concern. "You are eating aren't you?"

I looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Of course I am" I replied after a moments silence.

"Good, so your free tonight right?" He asked beaming.

"yeah why?"

"Because we're going out, I haven't seen much of you this holiday and we need to catch up" He was right, this last 3 weeks I have just been cooped up in my room doing nothing.  "So I'll pick you up at 6 and we'll go to that new diner. Okay?"

"Okay, I'll see you at 6" I replied giving him a friendly wink.

I put my headphones back inand walked to my first class. Chemistry  My stomach was twisting into knots. I had the right mind to leave this hellhole right now, but I know I can't do I took a deep breath and made my way over to my desk at the back of the classroom.

I took out my headphones and put my ipod back in my bag.

I heared giggles coming from across the classroom and looked over to see 3 girls looking at me and laughing. Those girls used to be my best friends, yeah, thats right I used to be part of the popular 'click'.

'shes so fat' I heared Britney whisper which caused the other 2 minions to fall into a fit of giggles.

My life was perfect, I had friends, I was beautiful and no one said a bad word to me, until the day I caught Britney's boyfriend cheating on her, I told her naturally and he denied it. She believed him over me and then destroyed my social life.

I ignored them and went back to mixing random chemicals that miss had given out.

5 minutes later a clear liquid was thrown at me, it started to burn the bare skin on my arms making my eyes well up with tears.

"Look she's crying!" one of the minions pointed at me and laughed.

Words couldn't explain what I was feeling right now. I was so embarrassed and so ashamed that I couldnt stand up for myself.

I grabbed my bag and ran out the classroom wiping my face.

"THATS IT! RUN AWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO, STUPID COW!" Britney shouted which made me cry even more.

The first day back and I already want to give up. I ran all the way home and didn't look back, as soon as I got through the door I slammed it shut and fell to my knees. I looked down at my arms to see a red rash had formed were the acid was thrown at me.

I stood up, still crying and walked up to my room. It was a large room, my walls were a deep purple to match my bedspread. I switched on my speakers and put on a playlist. Sleeping with sirens came first, I walked over to my dresser and opened my sock drawer. I dug around in it for a while until I found what I was looking for, my blade. 

My mum was at work so I didn't have to worry about that and my dad, well you tell me where he is. 

I sat down on my bedroom floor and the tears were still rolling down my face, I feel so worthless, so ugly, so alone.

I made the first cut.

Then the second

Then the third.

I just kept going, wailing as I did until the whole of my left arm was covered in blood filled cuts.

After I just lied on my bedroom floor, music blaring my eyes and arm stinging.  I deserve this. I thought to myself.

I must have fell asleep because I was woke to the sound of my doorbell ringing, I looked at my clock which read 6:10 then I remembered my plans with Sam. I pulled on my hoodie and ran to the door, when I opened it Sam stepped forward and hugged me, I hesitated a moment but then melted into his body.

"What was that for?" I asked him pulling away.

"I heared about what happened in class today, and I can see you've been crying" He moved his thumb up and wiped the smudged mascara from my face.

"oh my god everyone knows!" I started sobbing again and pulled my hands up to my face, Sam grabbed my left arm and pulled up the sleeve of my hoodie.

"Oh, Hope" He gasped and pulled me into another hug. After 30 seconds he finaly pulled away

"let's get you cleaned up"

We walked up to my bedroom then into my bathroom, he sat me down on the toilet seat and ran the sink full of water. He grabbed a flannel and started wiping my arm clean.

"jeez Hope, these are deep"

"I'm sorry Sam, I know you wanted to go out, ive ruined it for you.." I'd finally stopped sobbing and now I was just tired.

"Don't think that Hope, anyway everyone said that the diner was dirty" He smiled at me and I did the same.

He bandaged up my arm and we at in my bed.

"I wanna sleep" I said through a yawn.

Sam looked at me with worried eyes and then spoke.

"I better get going then" He leaned over and kissed my cheek but I grabbed his wrist.

"No stay" I demanded "please?"

"I was hoping you'd ask that" He lied on the bed and I followed, nuzzling my head on his chest as he put his arm around my back, it was hard to belive we were just friends but neither of us felt anything more than that.

His kissed my head "Just forget about it all Hope, it'll all be okay, you'll see."

"I just cant do this anymore Sam, I'm exhausted, I just-I just can't" I cried.

He squeezed me and then we fell asleep in eachothers arms.