The god awful truth

What happend next

Okay so I wrote this probably a little less than a year ago now and am only just getting to actually sharing this now (2017 nearly 2018) and to be honest I wasn't going to publish this, it negative, sad and frankly downright depressing. But truth be told I have learnt so much from the time I was feeling those negative insecurities, letting them consume me. To the woman I am today.

Yes people say shit they wouldn't think twice about all the time, not knowing what effect it will have on people, I'm guilty of it just like I know you are. We're not perfect and theirs no reason why we have to try and be. We fuck up every now and again but that's just how life goes. We fall and then we pick ourselves up and move the hell on.

I was in a.... well not dark but not bright place when this stupid little insignificant incident happened. I was stressed with school. I was graduating in a couple months and I was scared shitless of what would happen next. All I have ever really know was school, it was a routine I was all to comfortable with. Wake up, get ready, go to school for 6 hours, come home, go to sleep and repeat. I didn't know what life would be like after that security blanket was ripped away from me and that scared me more than I thought it would. So I let his words get to me. Thinking that if I am invisible here whats its going to be like when I'm in the big bad world all by myself ?

But that was then and this is now. I decided I wasn't going to care what he thought, his opinion was and still is irrelevant, the only opinions that truly matters is my own so I decided I wasn't going to give power to his words and that was possibly one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Nearly a year out of school and I haven't felt more free in my life. It wasn't nearly as frightening as it was made out to be it was actually the polar opposite. Thrilling is the only way to describe it. The opportunities and experiences I have had, the memories I have created, the life lessons that no teacher or school could ever teach me, the self love and confidence I have found and am still finding within myself. And to think I was scared shitless about the very thing that I am now so grateful to have experienced.

Look I know this probably isn't making much sense and I'm okay with that.

The message I'm really trying to convey hear is, yes sometimes people say things that make us feel shity about ourselves so we create insecurities and it festers getting worse and worse as time passes by. But that's the beauty of time, it goes on. It doesn't stop just because something shitty happens, that's not how it works and it never will, well unless the timekeeper from the last spy kids movie stops time but that's highly unlikely..... anyways as I was saying time goes on and trust me you will forget all about it one day. Just like I did before i stumbled on to it today.

I'm rambling and it's 2am and your girl need some sleep, I've said all that's needs to be said so I'm going to finish it off by saying this.
we have a choice in this world, we can either let it consume us or we can let it go. It's as simple as that. Now all you have to do is decide what choice you're going to make.