Love Me So I Don't Have To - COMPLETED

2.1

This morning, as I'm writing this sentence, I thought I lost one of my closest friends.

I woke up a handful of times throughout the night. I should have known. I should have figured something was wrong. I should have checked my phone. I should have stayed up longer.

But they're fine. They're okay and alive. Their physical state is still terrible. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm no medical professional. Their mental state isn't the best either. I know a small thing or two that may help but I'm limited.

I paced my kitchen over and over. I'm almost certain there's a path worn on the tiles. I still feel sick to my stomach. Just the thought alone of losing them makes me terrified and sick.

I thought I lost them. I thought they were gone for good. With each minute, second of staring at my phone with no answer was a minute, second closer to calling them. Calling their mom. Calling the authorities. Tears started falling before I even knew. I texted their mom but she didn't see it.

Soon enough, they woke up and apologized. The relief I felt was the greatest amount I've ever felt in my entire life. Greater than when I was finally free from the prison my ex kept me in for too long. Greater than when I discovered I have a 100 in government right now. Greater than the relief I felt after sending a risky text and getting a good response.

This relief was so much more. Before, I almost couldn't breathe. The world was spinning, yet everything was still. I felt sick. I felt like I was about to throw up all the dinner I didn't even eat. I began to prepare for the worst.

Please wake up.

Please be okay.

Please be alive.

Dear God, please. I'll do anything for them to be alive.

They can't be gone. They can't be dead.

Don't do this. Not to me. Not to their parents.

Bring them back, God. Stop this sick game.

They deserve better.

I'll do anything. Please, for fuck's sake.

Now every time I get a text from them or see them at school, a wave of relief washes over me. They said they just want to bring me good news, but little do they know the fact they're still alive and kicking is good news to me.

They want to die and end it all so badly. The only single thing keeping them here is their parents. Honestly, I'll take what I can get and work with to keep them here. They aren't sure how long that one thing will keep them alive, though.

I swear I can see them graduating from their dream school years from now. I can see them sticking it out and making it. I just hope it all will actually happen. I don't want to have to have my last memory of them to be of their casket being lowered into the ground before they even got out of high school. Their parents don't need that. Their siblings don't either. No one needs that of them.

They deserve to live life as long as possible. They deserve to go scuba diving in Australia and sky diving. They deserve Princeton. They deserve to be successful and happy. They fucking deserve it, so God don't fucking fuck them over because I will fuck you up if you ruin that for them. Let them be fucking happy, please. I'll do anything to give them that.

I've seen them grow to be mature just to fall into a pit of depression they don't even have enough energy to climb out of, and I don't have a ladder for them. Please, help them out.