Long Distance Lovers - Part 1

The Beginning

Three years ago I didn't know you. Until my close friend Nate showed you into his small gaming group. You were quiet, attentive and shy. That is what made you stand out to me. We talked day after day about gaming and other things we enjoyed, ranging from halloween to pasta. I enjoyed every second of our talks. At the time I was dating someone else but that little part of my brain started nagging, scratching my head over and over again. Making me feel things I have never felt before. And it was heavenly. I wanted to tell you how much I wanted you, How much I needed you, but I was shy and afraid. Shy of me being a nervous wreck that would make me look stupid. Afraid of you laughing at me and telling me it was useless of trying, My boyfriend caught on and lets say there was more than talking going on.

He hated seeing me like this with someone else, he despised it. We ended most days shouting at one another and thats when the abuse started. I can remember him saying things like, ''WHAT, I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR A PIECE OF TRASH LIKE YOU HUH?!!'' and ''Your worthless, a worthless bastard and a fucking cheat.'' Coming from the guy who cheated on me twice. I simply flipped him off, grabbed my things and walked out the door. Knowing there was someone better for me than him. I arrived home and dropped off my things, but I didn't realise that he followed me home, knife drawn in hand as I stood in my empty home. He slowly and carefully opened the door without me knowing and slid up behind me. Grabbing me by wrapping his arm round my waist and putting the knife against my throat, Tears beginning to well at the corners of my eyes He whispered gently into my ear, ''If I can't have you, no-one can. Not even that bitch you have been talking too.'' 

With a sly grin crossing his face he threw the knife to the side and ripped off my shirt, pushing me down onto the arm of the couch, I tried to resist but he pinned me down easily, with his free hand he pulled down my black jeans and white boxer shorts. Revealing my rump with a hole placed inbetween two soft cheeks. he then unbuckled his belt and slid his trousers down revealing his length, already hard. He then slid into me without second thought, I yelped in pain before getting the energy to push him off. Knocking him over as i pulled my trousers and underwear up before running over the road for help. The neighbours - A small family of a father, mother and two children - took care of me and called the police. They were friends of my mother and knew her well. The police arrived about ten minutes later and took him away. Thats the last I ever heard of him.

I never did message you after that, I went silent for about two years while I went to therapy, they tried and tried to get me out of my quiet safe zone of my bedroom but soon gave up, leaving me for a lost cause. Thats when I broke down, rushing into my mothers room late one night and emptied everything onto her. revealing my love for you and how you would never take me for being an awkward, nerdy teenager. The next few months after that might aswell have been trying to escape hell. I went to the therapist and explained everything to him, I gotta give it to him. He tried his best but it didn't stop the self harm or the suicide attempts until he put me on my 'saviour pills.' He gave me a Anti-Depressent for my Depression named Fluoxitine. It has keeped me going ever since.

About six months ago I started messaging you again, I never told you any of this, well maybe some of the depression bits. I was too scared to open up to you just yet, So I decided to wait. I learnt about more of your passions, like your passion for drawing, I still have the first ever drawing you did of me on my phone as a screensaver. I cherish it. We talked and we talked until the early morning till the fullest night. I loved every single second I had with you, even though you live in America and Me in the UK, I wouldn't wanna lose a second of the day without you.

The date turned to August 15th, I had alot to drink that night  so I turned on skype and with my dutch courage I sent you a message. It contained my heart, poured out into a love message, telling you how I felt, what I wanted to happen, what I hoped you would say and what I wound do for you each day. It took a while for you to read but after some time and thought. You said yes, it was the single most exciting thing I have ever heard.