Watching the cars beep in a busy street on a very hot day in a foreign country with no motivation is the least of the many different things that a person would approve of experiencing. Sitting in a very crowded and tattered bus with little space to stand in and listening to the women crying for their children to stay near them and hold on to their hands Is yet another thing that is unsettling. Feeling an ache at the pit of your stomach with sweat and tired eyes are also another cause to dissatisfaction.
But none of what I am experiencing right now can help overcome or out do the past damages of my so far life experiences and the swelling pain that I feel deep within my exhausted heart. None of it can bring as many severe headaches as the multiple ones that I encountered as I had to risk my life with the lives of my family members and to work for survival in a chaotic war.
But despite all the pain and crying, despite all the irony that I went through, I now have a brand new determination unlike any other..... when I step out of this bus I will forget all the hideous flaws of the past two years. I will be born again into the innocence and beauty of this world. I shall forget my depression, my country, and my dead sister. I will forget that I am Syrian. I am now a Jordanian.
I want and I will be starting fresh. I will have a fresh start and I will not let it fly out of my grasp without making a significant change.
Suddenly, I felt the bus come to an ultimate stop. People began to push at me from behind as I tip toed as high as I can so that I might see the entrance of the door open up through the cluster of heads. I looked out the window and saw a land of dirt in the middle of nowhere and an extreme amount of tents that if viewed by the naked eye on land would seem like infinity. Will there even be space and room for me and the remainder of my family? I have no idea. What matters is that we got through the border a long while ago and now I am free from bullets, bombs, and destruction. I took small baby steps as people impatiently push at me and tried to walk past me. As I filed out with the other passengers I heard shouts of invocations as thanks to Allah and I couldn't ignore the sudden leap of heart beats increase with every footstep that I took. I couldn't help smile feverishly with the idea that I will certainly start anew.
" Welcome Syrians to Jordan. Please file out in a line to come and register your names and find out where you would stay and rest."
