Long Distance Lovers - Part 2

The First Few Months

The past few months I have shared with you.... they have been good, but tough. The only problem with long distance relationships, is that you can never properly see them. Yes with technology now we can video call each other, but it's not enough. We try and get on to talk more but it gets harder and harder each day, with me trying to find work and dig myself out of the hole I put myself in. And you, with your parents not knowing about me at all, you trying to find your own work and most of the time cleaning the house. At moments like these it gets exhausting, but it doesn't mean we should give up.

The first month lead us to sharing experiences with one another, sharing our deeper moments, our happy moments and the times we needed someone most. I spent most of the days trying to figure us out, seeing if we were 'compatable'. It seems stupid at first yes, but when you think of it, whats the point of staying in the relationship if it wasn't working? I spent most of those nights laying on my floor, trying to figure out what to do with my life inbetween breaking down and taking my medication. But as soon as you came online, it felt like a weight was lifted. It still does! I would tell you about what happened that day; what I did, What I said and What I ate. You listened. You listened to my endless rants about what happened that day and you said this, ''Love it's okay, I love you.'' It made my heart melt and it made all the pain for that day dissapear.

The next month again, was me trying to get back on my feet. It seems to me that my life is an endless cycle of hating myself, taking medication, crying and talking to you. It sucks. My words cannot express how much it sucks. This was the month that I brought a knife to my arm again. All I told you is that i scratched it on a post. You didn't believe me. I tried to cover up my lie with even more lies but it didn't work. You saw through it all, you saw inside me was a smaller version of myself. Screaming for help day after day, even bringing harm to myself. I hated lying like that. But you forgave me, you metaphorically held me, you gave me warmth and love when I needed it most. what didn't help was moing out to put even more pressure on myself but you stayed by my side.

It took some time but the latest month, you helped me go back to the doctors. I am slowly getting back on track as my medication has been doubled and I'm regularly stopping in, trying to get my life back on track. One night after a long day of job hunting, you came online. We talked and talked about our future together, about the places we would go, the family we would have. It was perfect. Then I made a lewd comment regarding us.... having some fun on the phone. You checked to see if there was anyone home. Thank god there wasn't. We slowly talked about what we would do to each other when we got the chance and begun touching ourselves. Pleasuring our bodies with our hands and the thoughts of each other doing it. We whispered to each other through our moans, I love you. That night, was pure heaven. I never want to give that memory up.

Now we are completely caught up on our relationship at the moment. I can only dream what will happen in the future, It's a shame my dreams aren't good enough. I aim to save up as much money as I can to pay for a flight over, to spend time with you, to hold you, to kiss you. Heck even to just know I'm that close to you. Long distance love is tough, I know. But it is so worth it when you get to lock eyes with one another, hold them in your arms and whisper I love you, before kissing them deeply and sharing a night of sleep together. Yes my dreams aren't big and as flamboyant as other peoples. But to me and him? It's perfect.