"Kaya mo yan Elly, I know you can get through this"
"Okay ka lang ba? Is your breathing stable?"
"Don't forget your treatments!"
Growing up, these have been the words I've been constantly hearing day by day, since when I was 10 and 8 years later up to this day.
Ang puting mga silid ang nagsilbing palaruan, tirahan at eskwelahan ko sa loob ng walong taong pananatili ko rito. Ang puting bestida naman ang nagsilbing uniporme't halos pangaraw-araw na damit ko. Nakasanayan ko na din ang matapang na amoy ng kapaligiran, marahil dahil iyon sa mga kemikal na ginamit para maiwasan ang pagkakaroon ng impeksyon. Nakagisnan ko na din ang mga taong nakasasalamuha ko dito, na katulad ko, ay ginagawa din ang lahat para mapahaba pa ang pananatili nila sa mundong to.
Ako nga pala si Elliana Reagan Sandoval and I suffer from Lung Cancer, stage 3.
Short hair, pale skin, average height, You can recognize me as the girl who wears nasal cannulas.
At the early age of 10, I was diagnosed with Cancer. While other kids of my age went out to play. I constantly went out to visit the doctor to have check-ups, to run tests, and to get the medications I need. Habang yung ibang mga bata pumapasok sa eskwelahan while pulling each of their trolley bags, Sa ospital ako pumapasok while pulling a roller backpack na may lamang oxygen tank and wearing nasal cannulas which greatly helps with my breathing.
"Elly! Kamusta yung therapy mo?" Vy said immediately after I went out of the room wherein I've undergone Radiation Therapy.
The name's Violet, she suffers from Thyroid Cancer. Vy has a lump on her throat that makes it hard for her to breathe kaya tulad ko, gumagamit din siya ng oxygen tank for her breathing. We're very much the same in a lot of ways except that Vy has a really positive outlook in life, which is very unlike me.
"Tiring as usual, Nakakasawa na" I exclaimed while being assisted by Nurse Ann para tulungan akong makabalik na sa kwarto ko.
"Ano ba Elly, kaya natin to okay? konting chemo and radiation therapy pa, lalaban pa tayo!" Those words again, paulit-ulit ko nang naririnig iyan. Nakakasawa na din eh. I'm tired of hoping that the pain would end anytime soon, ayoko nang umasang gagaling pa ko't mamumuhay ng normal. Especially that I'm already on my 3rd stage with 30% chance of survival.
After a short talk with Vy I had to bid goodbye because I badly needed rest. Mamaya mararamdaman ko nanaman yung side effects ng therapy.
Another dull day has taken its place, parang araw-araw pareho nalang palagi yung nangyayari, nakakapagod, nakakasawa.
After the long walk in the hallways, finally andito na ko sa kwarto ko, nagpalit nako't nagsuot ng pantulog at umupo na ko sa kama ko.
Araw-araw nasasabik ako sa pagtulog, dahil ito lang ang paraan para matakasan ko ang mapait na realidad ko.
Siguro kapalit ng lahat ng kamalasang napunta sa akin, biniyayaan ako ng isang kakaibang abilidad, ito ay ang kakayahang Lucid Dreaming. It's the ability to control and manipulate your dreams. Para sa ibang tao, simpleng pagkontrol lang sa panaginip ang kakayahang Lucid Dreaming. While I, on the other hand, believe I am taken to an alternate universe everytime I dream. Isang magandang mundo kung saan wala akong kinahaharap na sakit, hindi lang puro puti ang nakikita ko tulad ng lugar na nakagisnan ko sa realidad kundi isang makulay na mundo kung saan pwede kong gawin ang lahat ng gugustuhin ko, wala din akong hilahilang roller backpack at walang suot na nasal cannulas. Sa mundong ito, kahit mag-isa ako, nararamdaman kong malaya ako. Mag-isa man ako, sa mundong to nakakaramdam ako ng kasiyahan na halos hindi ko maramdaman sa mapait na realidad ko.
I laid down to bed and went behind the sheets.
Finally, I closed my eyes and slowly drifted away to unconsciousness
