Another's Arms

1

"I've lost her."

"I've lost her and I'm on my own now."

"I'm all alone."

For the second time today, at only 11 am, tears filled up Chris's eyes and silently rolled down his cheeks. He didn't even try to hold them back or wipe them off. He felt completely numb, the dark thoughts dancing around in his mind until the words lost any kind of meaning. He actually barely noticed the tears streaming down his face.

"I've messed it all up again. Because that's what i fucking do. I fuck everything up. I'm a fucking disaster to have around."

"A burden."

"I will never be loved.'

Suddenly he heard the keys unlocking the door of the studio -and stood up off the sofa quickly, rubbing his face and turning his back at the door.

"Oh, you're already here!" 

Chris' eyes shut down at the sound of Jonny's soft voice behind him, and he felt a knot slowly tying up in his throat, which made him unable to answer. He heard Jonny's bag crashing on the ground next to the door, and his steps coming closer to him.

"Chris? Are you.. alright, mate?"

Chris found himself unable to move, his eyes still closed. He tried to control his breathing for it to not be too sharp -to not alarm Jonny. He couldn't. 

Jonny glanced at the sofa. The trace of Chris' body was still here. He swallowed hard. Chris stayed here all night. Again. Probably didn't sleep at all. And considering the way he was standing, the state of his creased clothes and messy hair, he just stood up when Jonny entered the studio. He carefully put his hand on his best friend's shoulder.

"Chris.." Jonny started softly.

He couldn't even finish his sentence that Chris suddenly turned around and threw himself into his arms. After a milisecond of surprise, Jonny tightly tied his arms around his friend -and noticed with a twinge that he lost weight. Chris started to tremble slightly, and Jonny put a hand on his nape to pull his head onto his shoulder.

"Shh.. shh. It's alright. It's alright, Chris."

These few words, whispered into his ear, were like a hammer to Chris- broke him down. He started crying again, still trying so hard to keep it all in, but soon he was sobbing uncontrolably, his shoulders shaking, the emotions coming up to the surface and blowing into an aching pain in his stomach.

"No, Jon," he whimpered, "it's not. It's not. I acted like a fucking stupid asshole and now i've lost her, like i've lost everyone else. . Why do I mess up everything? Why can't I take care of the people i love? I- I'm on my own.. I'll always be cause.. cause I'm a fucking ticking bomb who destroys EVERYTHING, Jon! "

He held onto Jonny, tighter than he ever held anyone, desperately, and Jonny held him back, pulling him as close as he possibly could. 

"If only i could take all of his pain away." This thought ripped its way through Jonny's heart, filling him up with an overwhelming sadness. Chris didn't deserve this. Jon knew that Chris didn't love that girl very deeply -but he still cared about her. He knew Chris wasn't breaking down because of *her*. It was because of all this loneliness. He didn't deserve that.

"Chris, listen to me.. listen. You're not a bomb. You're not- you.. you're a good man. You're the nicest and most amazing man I have ever known."

"And you're not on your own," he added firmly- with this sweet, sweet voice of his. "You've got Will, and Guy, and me. You've got me. I'm here. I'll always be."