I don’t know the first thing about "Matthew Scott".
I don’t know if that’s even how you spell your name.
I do know how you made me feel.
I remember when I first saw you, when you came
in my classroom.
You should have seen my face.
I looked at my best friend and he told me right away,
“anyone but him , I don’t know him well, but I heard he’s a player. So just in case…”
I interrupted him and said, “Don’t worry I’ll be okay.”
I caved in when you were around, that’s never happen to me before.
After weeks and weeks,
Our only real conversation was when you fell asleep in class and snored ;)
And that only lasted 2 minutes anyway.
What I got when you were around weren’t butterflies.
I don’t know what it was. But your smile, although just a smile it got me every time.
Every time I’d look at you I would get lost in your eyes.
From just glances here and there, I guess you can say things happen all too quickly.
I can honestly say those feelings haven’t changed since then.
But considering, where I’m at, how far off course I am already,
I can’t go back to where I started again.
I have gotten so good at hiding how I feel, I like it that way.
Until Friday, damn alcohol.
I don’t even understand half the things I was saying that day.
All I remember is crying and you holding me at the corner.
And random things I said… which were irrelevant.
But whatever, here’s drunk Jessica in a nutshell,
This is my attempt of telling you what I meant.
I don’t know the first thing about "Matthew Scott".
I can’t read him, and it drives me insane.
I wish I could know what he’s thinking.
At least that way I can try to take away all his pain.
I know that no matter how good he is at hiding how hurt he’s been, He dies a little inside every day.Every morning he wakes up and wishes he can go back to bed.
Sun hasn’t even risen yet, He can’t even think straight,
he just wants to go somewhere to shut his eyes and lay his head.
I don’t think it’s because hes tired,
I think he just wants to forget and let his mind go blank for a little while.
Live in his dreams you know? Avoid reality.
I think he hasn’t been truly happy in a long time. And he lies every time he smiles.
I don’t think he trusts a lot of people.
Its hard to get him to open up, but despite,
how hard it is to get him to put his guard down
He opens up the most at night.
When he gets real quiet, that’s when you really have to listen.
and at that point, you realize how many people are willing to.
Willing to go extra mile.
I’m surprised he’s done so well, after all he’s been through.
He screwed up a lot in his past. Did a lot of bad things.
I bet he has a couple of regrets here and there.
But from the things he’s seen, he’s done, what he’s been through…
No one can compare.
I admire him; he’s gotten this far all on his own.
He still gets up every morning and waits at that very same bus stop every day.
He goes to work and works hard; A cigarette in one hand and a hammer in the other,
He still is probably the best worker there, who knows they will probably want him to stay.
Through time his heart became cold.
Surrounded by walls, and hid away from the world.
I believe that even maybe,
He drowns himself with girls.
To fill that empty space in his heart.
Its his grandfather who is a great man.
I think that’s his motivation to do better.
He has some sort of path set out for himself, some sort of plan.
He’s taking the first steps to starting his dream.
Though all the pain and all the tears he shed,
For his friends, parents, and whoever else,
He’ll get ahead.
He is destined for greatness.
I adore this messed up, complicated, confused boy.
I have no idea what he’s after.
but as corny as it sounds he’s so beautiful.
A beautiful disaster.
