Sense

I Love Him

Shawn POV

I have always been one of those kids in class that doesn't talk much, only when he is called on. I mean what can you expect? Having depression isn't really a gift, And add the fact of being gay into that and you get "kill me please"! I mean I still have a best friend Taylor, he is amazing to me he always knows what cheers me up and he is always there for me. I could go on forever about how dreamy he is and how much I wish he would date me or better yet have sex with me. But he is straight, which is too bad but I can learn to respect that. I mean I don't want to lose my friend, my only friend, because of a dumb crush. I begin to fall into a daze thinking about him with me on a moonlit dinner, picnic, under the stars, he looks at me I look at him, we slowly move in to kiss one another feeling his pleasing lips touching mine, perfectly in sync. Just perfect, the whole date would be, his eyes, his hair, his mouth, just him, perfect.

"Mr. Mendes." I snap back into reality "Answer this question please." I look at the white board in front of the classroom, there is a complex algebraic equation on the board.

"Yes, sorry Mrs. Wisse," I look at my notebook, I realize I was doodling while day dreaming! There was a pink heart with Tay in it surrounded by many other cute hearts all messily drawn out along the bigger heart. I blush a rosy red color and quickly turn the page. "The answer is 'x=-7i+3/5'"

"Way to go, Fag" I turn and see Cameron Dallas laughing at me with his hunky bitch-jock friends. Oh yeah, I didn't mention I was the main target for bullying at this school. I started to think about the word he just spat out at me "Fag" what does it realistically mean, all it is, is the definition of a group of people who like people of the same sex. Why is it used as such a derogatory term? My thinking carries me to another world in my mind. 

"CAMERON DALLAS GIVE ME YOUR ID, NOW!" I jump in my seat as Mrs. Wisse begins to holler at Cameron, "You are not permitted to call students inappropriate names within my classroom!" She holds out her hand, he walks up and places it in her hand. As he sits down the bell rings, dismissing class, the room grows loud from students packing their bags. Next class period was lunch for me with Taylor, thank god. I ran to his locker where he was.

"Hey!" I said with as much happiness as I could muster.

"Hey Shawn! Ready for lunch?" I don't know what it was. Maybe Taylor's commanding yet cute and soft voice or the way his personality was around people, or his amazingly good looks. But I love him so much, I don't know how much more I can take not being able to have him in my arms. We started off for lunch, passing by Cameron Dallas in the hall he winked and made a sexual look at me to tease me. I brushed it off staying with Taylor all the way to the lunch room.

"Have you been taking your pills?" he asked all of a sudden.

"Yeah, uhhh I have. Why do you ask?" I replied blown away by the question he just asked.

"Just wondering because you seem a little bit upset." He says a little bit worried.

"Really?" I asked sourly, "I am okay I promise."

We sit down and open up our lunches to start eating. It's Just the two of us at out our table, I feel bad for Taylor to be quite honest. I wish more people would sit with us. I always tell Taylor he can go and sit at other tables with his friends. 

He replies, as always with, "Then what are you going to do?"

I start to well up with tears, "Taylor I am sorry, I wish I had more friends, I just don't. I try and try and try, I never find any friends the ones I try to keep always find out I am gay and leave me. You are the only true friend I have had in all of my life. Taylor I am so sorry." I begin to sob. Taylor is blown away.