One Direction fan fiction: Harry Styles

Chapter Twenty-Two: Secrets and Diplomas

 (Maggie’s Point of View)

   ”Wake up, Maggs. It’s your big day!” My mom whispered into my ear. Seemed like she was more excited about it than I was. Honestly, I wasn’t excited. The only thing I was looking forward to was the sleepover with the girls at Michelle’s house tonight. “Do I have to?” I asked my mom as I lifted my head from off of my pillow. I had no energy whatsoever to even get out of bed. She laughed and walked outside. “Hurry! I made your favorite for breakfast!” she said as she walked downstairs. Great. 

   But I must admit, the aroma of the food was just amazing, and truth is, it looked even more amazing. I sat down at the kitchen table as a plate of chocolate chip pancakes was set in front of me. “Dig in!” My mom flashed me a smile. As much as I didn’t want to, it seemed as if the food was taunting me. I then began to eat and eat. The taste of the sweet pancakes danced on my tongue, along with the topping of maple syrup. It was the best thing ever. My mom only made them on special occasions, so I took it to the advantage. My mom watched as I shoved the last piece of pancake in my mouth. “Well, how was it?” my mom asked me. “Wow, what a great way to ruin my diet,” I let out a silent laugh. My mom looked at me, and laughed. I acted as if I was joking, but I was serious. “It was great,” I felt the words eating me alive, along with the two pounds I probably gained from just eating the pancakes. 

   ”Well, you better get ready! Your dress is hanging on your closet door,” my stated as she took a sip of her coffee. She had curlers in her hair. I was surprised she wasn’t tired. She was out last night with Michelle’s mom and her other friends until like maybe two in the morning. I was so bored at home, I was going to call Michelle to come over, but I forgot that her phone was taken away. 

   I headed upstairs, and headed back to my room, feeling sick. I felt so guilty. I had promised myself that I wasn’t going to be eating a lot, but I kind of consumed my whole entire day full of meals, in one meal. I looked at my closet, and saw my graduation dress hanging. It was so beautiful. I still couldn’t believe that I was graduating. The fact that I’m leaving everything and everyone behind, just made me even more depressed than I already was. I looked at myself in the mirror, and looked slim. But in my head, I felt like I wasn’t. I felt like I constantly needed to lose weight. I didn’t want to gain anymore weight than I already had. I pressed my hand against my stomach, and could feel that I had gained weight. What if I can’t fit into my dress? The last time I tried on my dress was a few weeks ago, and I probably had gained weight from then. 

   I decided to try on my dress, just in case. I slipped it on, and it wouldn’t close. Fuck.. I gained weight. Or maybe it’s the fact that, when I bought the dress, I was a size six, and now, I’m probably an eight. I could feel the tears forming, and I suddenly felt more insecure about my weight than I already am. I promised myself I wouldn’t do it, but I had no choice. 

   I quietly crept to the bathroom, and took a seat on the cold bathroom floor in front of my toilet. 

   I felt even more sick, but at least this time, I could fit into my dress. I stepped onto the scale, and checked my weight. “104” It said. 

   I was diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa about a year ago. I found out long ago, and kept it a secret from my mom. As much as I loved food, I just can’t give it up. I know that if I told her, she’d stop buying so much food to stop me from eating so much, and then vomiting all that I’ve consumed. None of the girls know about it, not even Michelle. Michelle looks at me as like a role model, and what kind of role model would I be if I told her that I was bulimic? In all honesty, Michelle was perfect the way she was, and the way she punishes herself, is just horrible. I guess we’re all messed up in our own little way. Sure, the girls always pointed out that they were jealous of my figure, and how I maintain to be slim, but yet eat so much. But deep inside, I just wanted to scream.