Oh, It's already 12:45 and I'm still awake, I can't sleep this time. I can't even get pass of the pain inside. What will I do in my room tonight? Just thinking of something, How could someone understand How it feels to be useless and the most painful, when It is your parents who says that You are useless... Does it hurt?
Dear Mom and Dad,
First, I just want to say this word that I had never said, "I love you mom & dad". How does it feels? Is it making you a little quite happy? Or just thinking I am just kidding around? But no, It's real. I really love you, 'cause you were the only persons who knows me, who cared for me when I am sick, who knows everything about me, and the ones who I used to hear the word "Useless" from you.
You can't know what I am thinking now. It's just that I really want to show how much I love you. But suddenly things comes upset, but I am just thinking, how could you hate me when I browse the net. When I use to hold my phone at work, when I am singing totally that makes you so annoyed and irrtated. Why would you hate when I do something on my own like painting, drawing, and writing stories even though no one reads them? Why would you hate when I just failed in the top of the class, when I was just about to be fourth honors and you used to expect that I amthe third one, but I know, I always say that I had lots of achievements when I am still studying and you used to grabe the chance, but whenI only got that place, you used to be disappointed.
Mom, Do you remember the time when I was in first year, when I got the fourth place instead of third place you used to say that I am a "Flirt" already. You know, that word, it is still in my mind the fact that I was just 12 years old before but now, I am already 17 and I can stll remeber those. I hate that ord you said mom, I know I failed, but no one is perfect, I am not a perfect person, I fail, I lose, and I hope you could understand why I failed, and to just be proud, 'cause I am still in the top. At least I just tried my best to still be in top, but no, instead you got disappointed. I know you did everyhting for me, 'cause you give me money everyday, and you worked so hard for me, I know mom, that I almost cried that day but please don't make it as a useless thing... 'cause it is still important.
Oh Mom, I can still remember, when I lost my Necktie. I know I used to be a very messy girl, that even my room is like a storage one 'cause I can't even make things orderly. But a word you just said stayed in my heart... In that time, I used to graduate as an Honorable Mention, but I expected that You were still proud even though I only got that place, but what did you say? Its a useless thing? You mean,I as a honorable mention is useless for you? How, could I, I went to school that Time, my chest was so heavy and I want to cry ...
Dad, do you remember the time when you used to hurt mom. When you used to have another woman in your life that you even deinied and lied that my mokm was your mother 'cause she was just so old? How could you make it? But You know, I can't forget it... but had already forgiven you...
But Dad, I remember when I was not able to work at home, and you used to say that I am useless daughter that doesn't know how to do household chores, and Doesn't even know how to cook. I know it dad, but why do you have to say that I am a useless one? Why do you have to say a word just to say something...painful.
But Dad, I am happy, when you told me that My gift will be a guitar...I used to hug you in that night.
But dad, its already May, and yet I will be in college, so sorry instead of a guitar will you just give the money for me to buy the things I want for college? The you said yes...
