Twisted Story of My Life

Chapter Eighteen

I locked myself in my room for maybe another couple of days drowning myself to more sadness and bitterness. I vomited every once in a while the previous days. I feel it has become a constant part of my days. Maybe because of too much alcohol or maybe I have become acidic or perhaps owing that to the lack of food intake. I do not have the appetite and believe me hunger is the least of my problems at this time.

One day I think I shall go to a doctor and then ask how long I should live still and if there is a way maybe to shorten it if not to end it. Who would want to live a lifetime crying after all? I am pretty sure they will understand me. Unless of course their life was perfect? But is there such a thing? I thought mine was, right? But it never was... never will be.

I was awakened by my Mom. I refused to move; it's still too dark.

"Get up, Alex," She said cheerfully and patted me insistently at my shoulder.

"What's up, Mom?" I asked shrugging and rubbing my tired eyes. "It's too early," I added as I saw my clock hit 5:00 am. What is she up to? Lately I have noticed that she would always try to do something to cheer me. Maybe she could not stand that her eldest daughter is acting like this for quite a while now. Her eldest princess turned out to be a drunkard.

However, though I appreciate her efforts from baking me cakes, shopping clothes for me, buying me ice cream and the like, I still can't move on. I am different now. I am not the baby Alex who would readily stop crying once you hand me a lollipop or an ice cream cone or a new doll. My tears are more meaningful now. I am not crying just because I lost my favorite Barbie or because that tooth extraction hurts. I lost my reason to live and that hurts so so much.

"This afternoon you have a flight going to Korea!" She announced as she started walking towards my closet.

Maybe she will pack for me. Wait... Did I hear it right, trip to Korea? On a normal day I think I would be too thrilled and I will jump up and down my bed until my head hits the ceiling because of the surprise trip. But hearing that in this particular day, I just want to hide under my thick comforter and not move. If I were to be practical I would still be looking forward for the trip. It's my chance to unwind and to forget for a while. But really, I am not in the mood to do just that yet. I prefer to lock myself in my room perhaps for the rest of life, which I plan to be short by the way.

When shall I move on? I don't really know. All I know it is definitely not today.

Mom went near my bed again and this time she shook me with both her hands. "You need a break, darling! I booked you to a trip. A backpacker trip with nine others. That would help you forget and enjoy for a change. Dad is excited for you."

"And they are?" I asked with no interest at all.

"I don't know. It's a packaged tour. You will enjoy. You should!" She said hopeful.

I sat up shaking my head. Enjoy? What does that word even mean? At my condition now would that even be possible? I am usually not a pessimist but look where my positivity has brought me. So I guess you would understand me now.

Then my Dad also entered my room.

"Yes you will. If I have to drag you to the airport, I will. Just so you could get away from your thoughts and feelings in this house. Everything is eating you up. Let us not waste your youth and beauty!" Dad butted in. He still thinks that I am one of his beautiful princesses. My ever sweet father. Mom pulled me out of my bed smiling and then she pushed me inside my bathroom.

"Shower now!" She commanded sweetly. And I did.

This time my parents won. We had breakfast then they drove me to the airport.

---

I am now on the airplane going to Korea. I sit quietly looking around from time to time. Searching for clues for my random companions. I just wouldn't know who they are until I get to the tour. Usually you have to meet up before the trip but since this was a surprise, everything is a surprise really. Great! Well, at least I have an option to just lock myself in the hotel. And so I thought I may pretend that I got sick because of the trip and excuse myself from going around.

I entered the hotel pulling my luggage behind me. It looks nice I guess. But would I even know what is nice and not now? I checked in. The tour will start tomorrow so I have the whole night to sulk in the hotel room. I will just ask for hotel service for dinner. My parents gave me so much pocket money to enjoy this trip. Though I am sure it is probably a shared hotel room since this is a packaged tour. I just hope that whoever my roommate is, she will be cool with whatever. And I am quite sure that my parents are okay for a shared hotel room. Because of course they would want me to come out of my sorry self and be the jolly me again.

I hurriedly went inside the room and lied on the well-made bed. I noticed that the other bed is already a bit messy and I hear sounds in the bathroom. Maybe she is freshening up. So it means we did not board the same airplane. I will rest for a while first and then maybe I could really use a nice meal to perk my weak body.

Wait, what is a pair of man's shoes doing on the floor near her bed? Then attentively looking around now I also saw a man's black jacket hanging on the chair near the dresser. Oh my! Don't tell me she is bringing her boyfriend for the night. Why do I have to experience this now that I am all bitter? I got a bit nervous. How shall I face them when they get out of the shower? Shall I smile at them? Shall I ask how their trip was?

Think... think... think, Alex. What if they don't even notice me here on my bed and they get out of the bathroom devouring each other??? Oh my! Awkward... first meeting and it would be like this. Tsk. Shall I hide or just pretend that I am already asleep? What did my mom put me into? My oh my! For a moment I forgot about my problems about Zeke. I am so nervous in what I am about to face. Can I just pop like a bubble from here?

Then the bathroom door opened. I remained frozen sitting on my bed.