STUCK

Chapter 2: Dinner with dad

     "Chicken's dry." my dad utters above the clatter of our forks hitting our plates. I nod my head in response and we fall back into silence. I chew a piece of chicken tasting all the juicy flavors on my tongue and grow angry. Why does he always have something negative to throw at me? Why can't we have one decent meal; where he compliments me.

     I wish he loved my food. Is it that bad? Or does he just hate me so much that he resents everything I do. I wish he would fall to his knees begging that I forgive him for all the pain he caused me. He would promise me that he will never hurt me again. Then we could finally be a real family.

     All that is though is wishes. Longings.

     I clutch my fork and tears form in my eyes. All these feelings touch every nerve in my body and I couldn't stop myself from what I'm about to do. "So I guess we are just going to pretend everything is normal, huh?" my dad looks up from his plate and stares in confusion. "Oh don't give me that look! You know what I'm talking about! Why do you hate me so much? Did I do something wrong?" tears fall on my food. I look away and continue, "Tell me, Goddammit! Why can't we be normal! Just-" " Shut up! Go to your room or so help me!" I flinch at his out burst but I felt something inside me keeps me from retrieving to the safety of my room. It was like my body was fighting with itself. My legs wanted to run away but at the same time it kept me glue to my seat. My body was shaking with fear but part of my body was on fight and the other on flight. "N-no." I heard my voice quiver. I slowly look up from my plate and for a second I thought I saw a shock expression, but it was quickly covered. He gets up from his chair and grabs the chicken from my plate and shoves it in my face. "If I say your chicken is dry it's DRY!" he growled. I shut my mouth and shake my head in protest but he grabs my hair and raises me from my seat. I was on the tip of my toes trying to make the pain go away. "You want to know what you did wrong, huh?" he shouts. I was crying nonsense pleas for him to stop but I knew it wasn't going to work. He drags me across the kitchen to the hallway. His hands still gripping my hair he brought me to the door of my room. He kicks the door open and throws me inside. "You are your mother's daughter. You're a sad, ugly being that no one is ever going to love and if you ever do find someone they'll leave you like I left your mother." he said in a cold voice. He slams the door and I listen to his footsteps walk from my room to the front door. Another slam tells me he left the house and is confirmed when I hear the engine from his car turn on. I sat there on the floor staring at my door for an hour or two before I get up. I couldn't get his words out of my head. That's the first time he spoke about my mom. I didn't know he left her.

     I always hoped my mom wasn't my mom. That doesn't make sense but I can't see someone loving my dad. I try not to think about it, because I get confused and frustrated.

     I wish this all was just one big nightmare. I fell on my bed and tried to get some sleep but there was too much in my head. I look at the clock on my wall and it was about 9:40. I groan and cover my face with my pillow and scream. I shout all the curse words I know and some made up ones into my pillow.

~           ~

     "Hey babe, your old man won't mind, he loves me." Jake whispers into my ear, half his body using me as support. I push him gently and grab the keys from his hands. "J.J. you're drunk let me take you home." I said being the few sober people at this party. Either way my dad might love him but he doesn't love me. He murmurs some incoherent words and almost tips over. I grab his shoulder trying to steady him. I look around for help and find Rick walking towards us. Rick is my friend from band but he quit to join football.

     "Ricky! Help me out here, please." I plead pretending I'm going to die. "The clarinet player needs my help? This is some uncharted territory. I think I need some backup." he teases grabbing one of Jake's shoulders. "Ha-ha-ha, you're funny Rick, maybe you should fertilize the ground with all the shit that comes out of your mouth." I countered. We both start laughing. That's just the type of friendship we have. We reach Jake's car and I unlock it and we put him inside. Rick shuts the door and dusts off his hands as if it were a dirty job. "Thanks Rick, I'm gonna take this kid home. Don't think his parents are going to be so happy, though." I say putting my hand behind my head. "To be honest, Rach, you should just drop him and be with the Rick master." he says pointing at himself. "Hey!" we hear Jake bang the window pointing at Rick, " you-you better watch your mouth mist-" then he burps and passes out. "That's attractive" Rick says walking back to the party. "Bye Rick." I wave getting in the car. "Be careful, Rach." he says waving goodbye.